Heather L. Hansen

pictures 366 (Leap Year) -- Wk 4

2012-01-29T08:51:00.001-06:00

Sickness has hit this house like the bomb-diggidy. Steven was the first to get sick, and being the loving, kind, generous person he is, he shared. :)

I seem to have inherited the majority of it. I'm seriously miserable.

I've tried to post a few times this week, but my head is not making much sense of the words (all the fever and congestion pushing on the inside of my brain!).

Taking photos every day has been extremely hard. I can barely see, first of all. Or walk. Or do anything that involves my head being straight up. I carried the camera with me when I knew there would be a photo opportunity and thought: just get one. All I need is ONE shot!

It worked out somewhat. At least I didn't miss a day. So, it's all good.

I guess the upside is, I was/am too sick to use my computer (right now my head is swimming as I type this). So I've been working longhand with a notebook. It's been pretty awesome. While I'm not sure yet how this new book is going to unfold, I feel like I have a firmer grasp on it now.

We'll see if that holds true once the fever passes. I may be delusional. ha.

pictures 366 (Leap Year) -- Wk 3

2012-01-21T11:16:00.000-06:00

It's that time of the week again!

It's been a slow week. I did manage to get caught up on my entire to-do list early, which left blissful hours of NOTHING.

*grin*

It was awesome!

I would like to say that I wrote. Um.. Not so much. I did, a little. But I'm seriously stuck with this new book. I've written and cut the first few chapters at least six times now. I'm not getting traction.

However, I had a breakthrough. Or, at least I thought I did. I was in bed, halfway to sleep, and the whole thing came at me. I was like: wow, that's brilliant!

Then I woke up the next morning and couldn't remember any of it! haha.

*cough*

It's slowly coming back to me. I've been jotting notes down. This next week, I'm hitting that MS hard.

Now the photos:

I post on Facebook what happened in the photos. I don't think I want to do that here (because it's a lot of work!), but there are two I'd like to explain.

January 15 (Sunday) -- Bekah is in love with my new K-cup machine. She thinks it's hers. She wakes up and makes Steven and I coffee (and herself a cup of hot chocolate). Unfortunately, last Sunday she woke up hours before us. Never fear, though, she kept the cups and their contents warm by repeatedly putting them in the microwave every 20 minutes. This went on for FOUR HOURS.

While I appreciated the gesture, I did not drink that cup of coffee. haha. But I did teach her how to make the coffee in the coffee pot instead.

January 18 (Wednesday) -- The sunset picture.

Steven came in to the living room where I was ~~working~~ watching TV.

"You've got to come outside," he said.

It was below 20 degrees and I didn't have a jacket or shoes on. Not even a pair of socks for my poor little toes. I thought he was crazy and told him so. Because, in my mind, there was nothing worth seeing that would make it worth the effort.

"No, really," he insisted. "The sky has the most amazing colors."

I heard 'amazing' and 'colors,' grabbed my camera (it was on the coffee table next to me), and ran outside.

It was totally worth frostbite and the loss of a small toe. ;)

Now every time he looks at that picture, or someone comments on it, Steven gives me 'the look.' The one where I have to say, "Thank you so much, baby. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have taken that picture."

Thoughts on "Showing Up"

2012-01-20T10:33:00.000-06:00

I feel like I need to blog. So. With nothing to blog about, I thought I'd tell a story about photography and how it relates to my writing.

I'm in week three of my 366 project. It's going awesome, thanks for asking. :)

I've been reading posts from other participants who are struggling with it. The common theme seems to be that it's unnatural to pick up the camera every day.

That is not the case for me. Actually, I don't even think about it. I just kind of do. My husband says that when the kids grow up, they aren't going to recognize me because they think mommy has a big black box attached to her face.

*grin*

That is exactly what it's like for me and writing. I do. Even when I feel like what I'm writing is crapola. Because I know that someday, when I'm less judgmental of myself, it's surprising how good those days can be! Ironically, they're usually better days than when I think I'm writing "good stuff."

This was something that registered when I popped out my memory card this morning. I had no idea what photos I took yesterday. I knew I took some and to the best of my memory, they sucked.

What are you gonna do?

Anyway.

I was determined to roll with the crap pictures. Imagine my surprise -- shock, actually -- when they weren't as bad as I remembered. They ended up kind of fun.

Huh.

I'm reminded, yet again, that I simply need to show up and work. Everything else will sort itself out in good time.

PHOTOGRAPHY TIP:

Another thing I want to bring up because these two pictures are prime examples, is leave yourself lots of space to edit. These pictures aren't cropped. This is exactly how I shot them with all the negative space. I do that a lot. You may wonder why and the answer is this:

I never know when a shot may be THE ONE I want to frame. If I take the picture too close, there's no room to adjust for proper cropping.

This is a really good article explaining what I mean.

There is nothing worse than seeing a picture and thinking: That is gorgeous! And then realizing... the best you can do to preserve the "look" is to throw it in a 4x6 frame. ;)

The Creek

2012-01-17T12:20:00.000-06:00

This is the creek bed. I probably should have included these pictures in the last post, considering I alluded to them. Eh, holiday brain. ;)

As you can see, no snakes.

The water had a sheer coat of ice over the top. The patterns were awesome.

I'm curious to see what this area looks like in the spring. Right now it's desolate. That's part of the reason I'm attracted to it, I think.

Cruisin' the Hood

2012-01-16T14:43:00.001-06:00

On Sunday, I went out with Nikki to take pictures again. This time we hit my neighborhood. I told her, "I want to photograph horses, cows, abandoned houses and cars, and hay." I think all we missed was the hay. I did get lots of weed shots.

Nikki drove. We turned out of my subdivision and... bam! Not two miles later started taking pictures. My family asks what living here is like. I say, "We have a Walmart."

I can feel them nodding, like we live in civilization. But that's not true, really. We live on the edge of civilization. At any point you can tip the other way. All of these pictures were taken closer to my house than the nearest Starbucks.

We literally drove until one of us said, "Oh, pretty!" And then Nikki would pull over and we'd jump out.

At one point we ended up at a creek bed (or maybe a runoff?). It was in the middle of nowhere, on an unpaved road. A truck pulled up with a little old man driving. He rolled down his window and asked me, "Are you taking pictures of snakes?" His country accent was pretty thick (plus he didn't have teeth), so it made it hard to hear him.

"What?"

"Snakes! Snakes!"

I looked on the ground, trying to understand what he meant that sounded like 'snakes' because, hello, there were no snakes. I must have been mishearing. "I'm, uh, taking a picture of the water."

"I'm just kidding, girl! There are no snakes this time of year!" Then he belly laughed like it was a huge joke.

Pictures 366 (Leap Year) -- Wk 2

2012-01-14T16:20:00.000-06:00

It's been such a busy week! It flew by! I wanted to be more present and in-the-moment on the blog. Meh. Maybe next week. :)

Thursday was Seth's 9th birthday. I can't believe it. He's a really amazing kid. I'm proud that he's mine.

The day before Seth's birthday, Steven took me to lunch. We were sitting across from one another in the booth, discussing our day.

"Doesn't it feel weird?" he asked.

"What?"

He shook his head. "I can't believe we have a nine-year-old."

Yes, most days feel exactly like that.

Sometimes it hits me: I'm a mom. I know that sounds silly. I'm with my kids every day. But. It's easy to forget that I used to be a different person, and then suddenly I realize how my life has morphed. As a kid, I could never have imagined the life experiences I've had so far. I'm thankful for every single one of them. I think a lot of it has to do with being open to letting them come.

Is it only Tuesday?!

2012-01-10T08:12:00.000-06:00

I got a TON of sleep last night! Yay! My husband and I were in bed, asleep by 8pm. That never happens. Boy, oh boy, I needed it!

Which means, when I woke up this morning I was alert. Hum. Imagine that. ;)

I've been struggling with my photos since I purchased my new lens. Every time I get a new one, I have to learn how to use it. It's never the same feel/distance/setting. Ugh. I went from hitting the picture correctly (in focus w/ correct exposure) 100% of the time, to like, never. haha. It took me at least a week to get to 1 out of 20 in focus. Not a good average.

I refused to take it off my camera because I was determined to master it. I did contemplate it several times. It was driving me insane. I even thought about returning it.

I take a lot of pictures a day, I want to point that out. I practice a LOT. Especially if I'm not nailing my shots.

This morning was the first time I hit 100%. All my shots were correct, but more important, in focus. Thank. God. I was getting twitchy.

In the end, I'm glad I stuck with it. The lens is pretty darn awesome.

Practical Advice from an Almost Nine-year-old

2012-01-08T10:04:00.000-06:00

My son -- the one I had to bribe to read -- has suddenly become interested in books. Not only that, he's also decided to write his own.

Because, you know, it's easy. Or so he told me.

He's currently composing chapter four of his epic saga about a man and his quest to find some sort of fossil that will save the planet.

(giggle)

*ahem*

Friday night, he read it to me as I made dinner. I have to say, I'm very impressed with his use of current pop culture. It's fluid throughout his narrative. I found myself wondering: how does he know about this stuff? Because it isn't like I allow him to watch that much TV and when I do, it's the Disney channel.

In chapter one, the man blows up his house. He does this because the fossil is supposedly underneath it.

I asked, "Why blow up the house? Can't he simply dig the fossil out without destroying everything?"

He looked at me like I was insane. "Because every good book starts with an explosion. Don't you know that? I thought you were a writer."

Noted.

Pictures 366 (Leap Year) -- Wk 1

2012-01-07T09:46:00.000-06:00

I wanted to participate in a photo project this year. I was going to do a 52 (one a week). It seemed more my speed. But then, I kind of got sucked into the whole 365 thing (366 this year). I do take pictures almost every day. And it would be more fun, I think, to create an album at the end of the year with a year's worth of photographs.

I'll try it. No pressure if I miss a day or two!

My take so far:

1. I'm already starting to see that the issue with doing this 366 is not going to be taking the pictures. It's going to be choosing one picture for the day.

2. I'm enjoying myself! It's pushed me to be creative and also to get that picture early so that I don't have to worry about not getting a good shot.

I thought that I'd get sick of it after a few days. But I find that I'm waking up looking forward to capturing a memory.

3. There's a reason why I pick each picture. I thought I'd end up picking the best picture of the day. But. That's not quite how it turned out. It seems (at least for now) that I've picked pictures that have the most memory attached to them.

Note to Self:

2012-01-05T09:20:00.000-06:00

I should follow my own advice. And, perhaps, not use reflexive pronouns. But. I. Can't. Stop.

Where was I? Oh, yes...

I have this friend (she-who-shall-not-be-named / SWSNBN) who is a fantastic writer. I mean, really fantastic -- the kind that makes you cry when you realize you can't write like her. SWSNBN has this block when it comes to her writing. I'm not sure what it is -- self doubt, maybe? Which from an objective perspective (mine) is CRAZY. Because MY. GOD. she can write.

She's easily frustrated and gives up on a lot of stuff. I told her, "Get a notebook and write. I don't care what you write. I don't care if there is a plot, or no voice, or flat characters, or whatever. It really doesn't matter. Because as long as you're writing something, eventually you'll get to where you need to be."

It's good advice and I really believe it. I guess, you know, as long as I'm giving it to others (haha) because do I apply it to myself? NO.

It's very obvious that I don't apply my advice when, after a week of this new draft, I have 1K words. There I was last night at 7pm with 5 -- FIVE! -- new words for the day.

*eye roll*

That's when I had to have a stern talk with myself. Because, COME ON, enough was enough.

I brought out the notebook. And I wrote. First I listed all the books I had to add to Goodreads for December (25 new entries -- I should be more on top of that). Then I had to list their ratings. Oh, and make a list of where I bought books so that I could add them to my file.

And then I made a list of things that NEEDED to get done (bills, balance checkbook, take Yuki to get a haircut...).

And then I doodled. Wrote my name a couple thousand times...

There's a lot going on in my head, gotta tell ya. *Snicker.*

What I didn't do is lift my pen from the paper.

THEN I was able to write. I wrote quite a bit. Enough to get me jumpstarted today, if I try hard.

I need to start listening to myself better. Life is much easier that way.

And So It Begins...

2012-01-04T10:47:00.000-06:00

The kids are back in school! Yay!!! The house is quiet! I have it all to myself!

LOOK AT ALL THOSE EXCLAMATION POINTS!!!!!

I was going to attempt a witty post.

[insert witty post]

... but, yeah, not so much.

Why? I'm tired! Winter break sucked the lifeblood out of me. All I can think about is a nap. My bed is so cozy (damn new mattress my husband made me buy).

zzzzzz

Seriously. It's almost 11am and I have yet to write a single word.

ARG!

Focusing now. Goal today: 1K words. Ready? GO.

Happy New Year!

2012-01-01T13:28:00.000-06:00

Dear 2012,

Last year I made a promise to myself. I didn't want to make resolutions. Instead, I decided to take a year sabbatical. Do things that I enjoy, let go of the things I didn't.

Well. It was awesome.

Nothing significant happened last year, sure. It was an easy year despite the stressful move from Japan back to the US. Relaxing. Full of new adventures.

I had fun. Lots of it.

With writing, 2011 was all about me. Figuring out where I wanted to be creatively. I finished off the year with a book that I think is pretty good. It's completely different from anything I've written before. I'm okay with that.

2012 is going to be different. ~~I'm ready to dip my toe back in.~~

[Scratch that.]

I'M READY TO CONQUER.

2012, it's me and you. Let's kick some ass.

Love,
Me

Things of note:

2011-12-30T13:46:00.001-06:00

1. Finished editing, reread, polished... done. Let me tell you, I loved, loved, loooooved it. For a short period of time I convinced myself that it's my masterpiece (ha, snerk). The "after book high" lasted, eh, four hours or so. Then I was like: ZOMG! I HATZ IT.

*deep breath*

So. Yeah.

It's not really the book. The book is good. At least, in my less self-conscious moments, I think it is. I'll feel better tomorrow.

2. Starting a new book is always hard for me. I know there are a lot of you who love writing beginnings. I find them harder to deal with. Mainly because, if you mess up from the start, the middle and the end will never come together.

The voice is the hardest thing to nail down. It tells everything about the character, at least, it does for me. How the MC thinks, acts, and talks will determine her choices throughout the entire book. There is nothing -- NOTHING -- worse than reaching the 30K mark and realizing your MC is a psychopath (or some other such nonsense).

And me, being me, I will finish the first draft regardless (though, why I do this, I'll never understand). Then I'll dump the book at the start of the next edit (draft 2 is when I take into account things like plot and structure).

3. I also find it hard to get in the swing of writing again. In the first draft you write crap (everyone does, tis the way it is). But. Coming off extensive editing, it's hard for me to allow myself to do that. It's especially hard that I struggle to write above 200 words a day when I know I'm capable of 2K. ;)

I've already restarted this book three times. Each time is just NOT right. Wrong starting point, wrong motivation, wrong voice.

I WILL get it. Hopefully by the end of the day. *crossing fingers*

Happy Day After Christmas!

2011-12-26T14:20:00.000-06:00

I hope everyone had a happy holiday!

I gotta tell ya, I'm exhausted. Sometimes I wonder when I turned old. I remember when I was little, my mother would be exhausted after the Christmas meal. I thought it was pathetic...

I'll have you know, I took a four hour nap yesterday. I could not handle it! I was so tired. So, yeah, sorry mom. I love you! ;)

Steven bought me a Keurig and a new tripod for Christmas. I love them.

I pulled out a k-cup to make my first cup of coffee with the Keurig. When I opened the lid, along the inside is written, "Use only with supervision." I read it out loud.

Bekah patted my arm. "Don't worry, I'm here to supervise you."

Steven couldn't stop laughing.

Bekah is obsessed with the Keurig. According to her, it makes the best hot chocolate (it does, it's really good!). She's convinced me to let her make it on her own, which she does a good job at. She said today as her hot chocolate was finishing, "I love this thing. It's the best Christmas present ever. It's so convenient."

I'm really glad she likes my Christmas present. :P

Christmas Eve

Christmas morning

Headlamps from their stockings.

Cheesehead from Grandma and Poppy. (Have I mentioned he switched teams? He did. Steven's still not over having a traitor in the house.)

Bekah's swag from Nana and Papa

Using my new tripod with Mr. Slouchy.

Winter Break, So far

2011-12-23T16:07:00.004-06:00

1. Bekah got her jacket. Steven stopped by the school on his way home Wednesday. He found a janitor who was kind enough to let him into her classroom. She's one lucky chick.

Steven asked, "What were you going to do? It wasn't like you could let her run around without a jacket."

"No, I was going to keep her inside for two weeks. I figure that would be a fitting learning experience." ;)

But she got out of it, of course.

2. Steven and I were sitting in the living room the other night, and I looked over at the tree. And then I looked again because something wasn't right.

An entire section of the tree had burnt out! I'm really glad I took a picture of it!!! *So upset.*

He asked me what I wanted to do about it.

That was a good question. "Here's the thing... I'm cheap."

His eyes got large with fake surprise. "No, REALLY?!"

*cough*

Needless to say, the tree is still dark. I really should do something about that. The "plan" is to hit the after holiday sales for a new fake tree!

3. I've been doing an awful lot of sleeping. I'm quite proud of that fact. hahaha.

Today I woke up at 9am (don't worry, I went back to sleep and didn't actually get out of bed till 1pm). It surprised me that Steven was in bed with me.

"Don't you have to go to work?" I asked.

He laughed at me. "Yeah, I've already gone and come back."

Huh, interesting.

4. We're two days into our vacation and the kids are determined to drive me insane. They asked on the first day if they could pull out the couch bed and have a slumber party every day of winter break. Or, if I said no, how about just a few nights?

On Wed night, Steven put them in their own beds (so sorry, no pullout couch), and promised that if they behaved (not likely) they could have a slumber party on Friday night.

Well. I woke up on Thursday to a complete disaster. Granted, it was quite late in the day (see item #3). Being that they couldn't pull out the couch by themselves, they made a bed in the den anyway.

A couple of things to note: the coffee table/chest has been moved, the shoes and socks strewn across the room, and the DS games thrown about (really upset about THAT one)...

I got my camera out to document it (because, you know, that's what I do). Only, when they saw me snapping pictures, they did everything in their power to hide their faces.

This became a recurring theme. Later that day, I saw them reading together in Seth's room. I thought, oh, how cute! But when I grabbed my camera...

5. I'm about 50 pages from the end of my manuscript. Sweet Christmas Bread, I need to finish! That being said, I haven't done any of it today and it's 4pm.

I am really lazy during the holidays. Must. Work.

Getting ready for Christmas!

2011-12-21T13:18:00.000-06:00

I have been way too busy (and stressed) as of late. ARG! Did Christmas sneak up on us this year, or what?! Luckily I have a super awesome hubby who not only shops for me, but also wraps the presents! Muahahaha.

The kids are/were still in school this week. Today was their last day before break. It's an odd thing, half days for half a week. I'm not sure what I think of it. On one hand, I do like that we have two day off at the tail end of the New Year. On the other, because they did half days this week, we lose a full day. What's up with that? I'd rather them go a full day than two half days!

Oh, and guess what? Bekah left her jacket at school for the holidays! Special.

Yesterday Steven came home early and the kids were home by 12:30, so I bundled them all in the car for a huge grocery trip. Have I mentioned how much I hate the grocery store? Well, I do. However, I super love when they're all with me because the kids are at the age where they actually help.

I decided I'd treat them for lunch out. It was our first trip to Chili's since we moved back to the States (Steven has gone with the boys, but the kids and I haven't). The kids were THRILLED. It amuses me how much they adore that place.

Afterwards we did our shopping trip.

***
Side note: I can not find everything I need at one store here! My "big" trips are always on base because it's cheaper. But it annoys me that I have an equally long list of things I need from Walmart. ARG. For instance, they had NO ground beef at the commissary. WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?!

Walmart is worse, though. They rarely have anything I'm looking for. But their produce ROCKS (this I find equally as strange).
***

When we were done, the kids came home and read. I still stick with the theory that iPads will prompt reluctant readers. Seth now asks me to read Just Because (!!!!). It's shocking.

He will not, however, smile for me. I asked him, "Hey, can you give me a smile?" This is what I got:

So I said, "Fine, obviously you don't want to be nice, and only nice boys get Christmas presents." *wink*

That was yesterday... Today I need to get my OTHER grocery shopping done. zzzz! I'm still not dressed yet, if that's any indication of how this day is going.

Oh, and I have been working. Kinda, sorta. I'm looking forward to the New Year. With any luck, I'll be finished and can start a fresh book. *crossing fingers*

Oh, Christmas Tree

2011-12-18T12:49:00.000-06:00

I brought out my tripod and remote last night. We I have way too much fun with those two items. haha.

*ahem*

First up is pictures of our tree. I kept the ISO at 100, aperture at 22, and the shutter long to get the starburst. Wicked.

(Directions HERE if you'd like to try)

I also shot several with the family. This is my favorite. LMAO.

How is it Wednesday already?

2011-12-14T08:52:00.000-06:00

I've fallen in to my habit of writing blog posts and not actually posting them. ....! I should go back to see if there's anything worth saving/posting. Eh.

In the meantime, I'VE BEEN EDITING! I know, shocking. I hadn't worked in several weeks. It almost came to the point where I felt myself incapable of it. Then I woke up Saturday morning and POOF! I started working.

Other than that, life is pretty boring. Christmas is coming way too fast. I've been trying to figure out what I'm missing on my to-do list. Like, er, now that I think about it, I haven't ordered the ham yet. It might be nice to have Christmas dinner.

Today's Sunset

2011-12-10T17:14:00.000-06:00

The Jacket and 1st Snow of Winter 2011

2011-12-07T07:59:00.031-06:00

Behold, the jacket. I love her face too. She did NOT want me to take a picture of her. We compromised: she posed for me (what loveliness there is of it), and then she got to watch a little TV.

It's some jacket, right?

***
Those pictures were taken last night. That was going to be the whole post. BUT. It snowed last night. Good thing Bekah got a new jacket. Just in time!

The kids were THRILLED it snowed. I mean like, OMG.THIS.IS.THE.BEST.THING.EVER. kind of thrilled. You'd have thought they won a million dollars, or something.

front yard

backyard

They didn't want to eat breakfast. They didn't want to get dressed. They wanted to play in the snow right now!

When I finally did let them out (5 minutes before they had to leave for the bus stop), they wouldn't pose for a single picture! I'm lucky I got this one. It irritates me that with all the gorgeous snow, I have the neighbor's cars in the background. *sigh*

Can't win 'em all.

Jacket #2 -- We come in peace

2011-12-06T14:00:00.003-06:00

Bekah loses her jacket several times throughout the year. I don’t know what is wrong with that girl, why she can’t keep track of it. Usually we find it again, but I do have to replace it once or twice a year. It is what it is.

This year she’s misplaced it on the bus (twice) and school (three times).

This was not such a big deal when we lived in Oki. The jackets were light, and yes, she might get rained on, but she wasn’t going to suffer. Living here is a different matter entirely. It’s flipping cold. Plus, it’s supposed to snow tomorrow. *brrrr*

When the weather started to change, we took the kids to the store to buy them each a winter/snow jacket. I got one too, actually. Out of the 50 jackets I own (yes, a pathetically real number) not one is a snow jacket!

At the store she wanted a stupid peace sign jacket. It was ugly, people. UGLY. I said no. Instead I got her a plain black jacket with a pink lining. Cute, stylish and simple.

Well.

She lost her jacket over the weekend. I couldn’t figure out if she’d brought it home on Friday or not. It was NOT in the house, though, I’ll tell you that much. There aren’t too many places for it to hide, first of all. And second, not only did I look (which, admittedly, I’m blind when it comes to finding stuff), Steven looked. And Steven can find ANYTHING.

It wasn’t here. Which meant that Monday morning she left with a tiny sweat jacket in the FREEZING rain. It was like 20 degrees, I swear to god. I talked with Bekah’s teacher. She scoured the school for me. It wasn’t there. It wasn’t with the bus people either. It disappeared.

Monday night, Steven took her to the store to buy a new jacket. She has to have one (that’s not debatable), though it pains me to buy another one. I can’t stand my ground on this one and be like, “Find it or you’ll freeze.”

When they came home she showed me her new peace sign jacket. “Isn’t it gorgeous, mom? Just the one I wanted! Good thing I lost the old one.”

I stood there, looking at her, and had the distinct feeling that this was a set up. Not that I can prove it. Not with that one. She’s too sly.

Reflection

2011-12-04T09:55:00.002-06:00

I used all of my Christmas money (plus a little extra I won) to purchase a new lens. I LOVE it. It's seriously swoon worthy. The only drawback is that it's huge, so I still put on my 35mm 2.0 when I leave the house. It's not as sharp (by a long shot), but it's easy to tote in my purse.

Yes, I'm totally playing with my new lens early. Can you blame me? It's fab!

Thank you, family!

Winter

2011-12-03T15:25:00.001-06:00

I am fascinated by the change of seasons. The trees are empty now, their leaves withered beneath.

Every time I go outside, I smell burning leaves. It's a dark smell, that coats the inside of your nose. The smoke is thick and white. It fills the street much like a fog machine.

It's, apparently, legal to burn them in piles in the yard. It kind of freaks me out, to tell you the truth. Driving down the street seeing piles of smoking leaves, the flames licking at them, I can't help but think: what if the fires get out of control?

This Year

2011-12-01T17:39:00.001-06:00

I’ve made several references about how this has been a year of change for me. I wasn’t ready to talk about it prior to now (I can’t publicly talk about details regardless), but I think I’ve made it to a point where I’m really happy and can open up a bit.

I had reached a point at the beginning of the year where I was dissatisfied. NOT about my real life. NOT about the people with whom I chose to surround myself. It was about things that I couldn’t control, namely my writing career, or lack thereof.

I began to internalize things. Everything that went wrong would be a reflection on me. Stupid things that people would say, situations that didn’t work out, I took the weight of the negativity on my shoulders.

Writing, that had once been fun and had been my place of peace, had morphed into a painful exercise for me. Every time I’d sit at my computer, the internal monologue would start. How I wasn’t good enough and would never be good enough, because – see? – another thing didn’t work out.

I was raised in a family that has a very strong work ethic. We’re achievers. We set a goal, we work, and we get what we want. The fact that I couldn’t make this work ran so much deeper than disappointment. It began to cut at the heart of who I was.

I was frustrated that no matter what I did, it never worked out. EVER.

I think a lot of my dissatisfaction had to do with the fact that I didn’t feel like a contributor to my family. My kids are older and in school all day, I have a degree and, yet, I wasn’t working. My “work” still has no definable reality. If I had sold, well yes, THEN I could say that my pursuit was worthwhile.

Not that my husband EVER said this to me. He is supportive (I think over the top sometimes, because he thinks I can do anything) of whatever I do.

It was all me, me, me. I was the one making myself miserable.

I walked away from writing. Not forever, just… for then. I needed a sabbatical, time to regroup and recharge.

I walked away from agent #2 (for several reasons that really don’t matter to this post), and also, from what I was writing. This was a huge move. Essentially everything I’d worked on up to that point, the NUMEROUS books that are completed and not shopped, were all being set aside. It wasn’t a direction I knew would make me happy.

There I was mid-March with NOTHING. Not one page of writing that I was happy with and not represented. AGAIN.

It was the right decision. The sense of relief was tremendous. I knew it then, and I feel it now. I don’t think I could have made the journey to who I am at this point without a clean break and accepting that a lot of my frustration has stemmed from being on the wrong path.

I turned to photography to connect back to me. Photography didn’t have that hurt that I’d begun to associate with writing. I hadn’t tied myself up emotionally with it. I used it to figure out who I wanted to be as an artist. I DO consider myself an artist. No matter what medium I choose, writing or photography, it’s about creating a piece of art that I can be proud of.

I look back at that post and I cringe a little because – GAH! – the white balance on those pictures is off. I hadn’t mastered WB yet, let alone shot in RAW at that point. I bring this up because it’s reflective of my writing. It’s why I can chose to walk away from what I’ve written in the past. Is it good? Yes, to some it’s fantastic. It was to me at the time. But it isn’t where I want to be in the end. I’m on a journey and I get better every day.

It’s easy to skip steps. It’s just as easy to self-publish, as it is to buy a DSLR and set up a photography business, without working on your craft first.

The question is: What kind of artist do you want to be? – This question is what I have focused this year on, figuring who I want to be.

Is it wrong to self-publish? Of course not!

I’m simply making the argument that sometimes there can be a great learning experience to walking away from something. Yes, you love it. Yes, it’s good. But often it’s not as great as it could/should/will be if given time.

I admit, I’m scared of failing again – and look, I said “failing” even though I haven’t failed! I continue the self-doubt and internalizing things that are not in my control. It’s an insidious thing that makes me unhappy and takes away from the REAL things I do have and love.

This is probably why I have several new projects finished and, yet, not queryable. Because I can’t bring myself to get them to that point. I will be there soon.

Why am I writing this now? Well, because I’m in a really good place. I haven’t worked on my book in two weeks and I’m okay with it. Progress.

Steven worked mid-shift today. He went in at noon and will be home sometime late tonight. This morning I got up with the kids, got them off to school, and then crawled back in bed with my husband and snuggled, sleeping the morning away.

I was not in the least guilty about it. I would have felt guilty for the last number of years. There I was, sleeping away time that I could have focused on writing, on GETTING SOMEWHERE.

What really mattered this morning? Spending time with Steven. Everything else is secondary.

I smiled at him when I woke up and said, “I love my life. Sleeping all day, it really is easy.”

He laughed, kissed me, said he loved me, and then slapped my butt and told me to go bake him cookies. :) This was, of course, before he walked into the kitchen to start coffee for me (love that man!).

I guess this whole post is to say: In the scheme of life, a year sabbatical is not a bad thing. You don’t have to quit, you don’t have to give up, but there is no shame in saying, “I’m not satisfied anymore and I refuse to live my life that way.” Then take steps to GET HAPPY.

My goals for next year are going to be different. I think I’ve hidden long enough. It’s time to start trying again, this time with joy.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 30

2011-11-30T12:16:00.000-06:00

HOLY BANANAS! THIRTY DAYS!

There were moments where I didn't think I'd make it. But in the end, I still have a list of items I want to blog about. Huh. Go figure.

Which means... I really need to be more faithful writing here. It's been a lot of fun. I edit myself so much, half of the stuff I've posted in the last month wouldn't have been if I didn't have to come up with something. After all said and done, I went back through my posts and laughed. So. Yes. I need to be a better blogger.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 29

2011-11-29T12:13:00.001-06:00

Keeping it real.

OMG, TWO MORE DAYS! Lucky me, because I have nothing to say today.

1. My bags are still packed. I. HATE. UNPACKING. it is the one thing in the world that I do NOT look forward to doing. Must. Get. Done. TODAY.

2. The clothes are clean, though, so it shouldn't be that much work. If I had to do laundry too, I would have cried. *wink*

3. The tree still isn't decorated. Maybe tonight. *crossing fingers*

4. I scraped the bottom of the coffee can to be able to make 4 cups. I'm ecstatic I managed that much, I'm not going to complain. Life without coffee is unfathomable.

5. I haven't worked on my book in two weeks. Gah.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 28

2011-11-28T09:38:00.000-06:00

My sleep is all messed up! It didn't help that I had coffee at 4pm yesterday or that I was up all night reading. Er, yeah. The book was AWESOME, though. So there is that.

Last night I asked Steven to put up our tree. We're decorating it tonight if the kids manage to get homework done in time.

He was dragging his feet about it. He had his heart set on a real tree this year. Not that I was against a real tree. I love real trees. It's just that we have nothing for a real tree (stand, lights) and I think his plan was to put the fake one in the den. That would have meant more ornaments, which I find to be a complete waste as we won't continue to have two trees once we move from here.

Steven wasn't budging, though.

Then the kids realized he was insisting on a real tree and had a fit.

"We need to save oxygen," Seth said.

I realized that he was on my side, but I wasn't grasping his argument. "What?"

"Well, trees make oxygen. It's in their leaves, look it up. And when you cut down a tree, that's a bad thing. It kills our oxygen. So, we shouldn't buy cut trees, or they'll cut more."

"So, um," I blinked, kind of fascinated that he's my son, "you're saying that you don't want a real tree because you're an environmentalist?"

"Right."

Bekah piped in, "We all must save our planet."

Steven threw up his hands. "FINE!"

hahaha.

He put up the fake tree. *grin* And then preceded to organize the ornaments for tonight's adventure.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 27

2011-11-27T14:44:00.000-06:00

If I had been smart, I would have scheduled a post for today. Flying knocks me out. It gives me a massive headache every time (I'm very sensitive to pressure change. Ugh). And both kids have runny noses/ sore ears. Poor things.

Today has been extremely slow. Like, waking up at 1pm and wondering if the kids have eaten anything today, slow. hahaha. :)

Luckily they're pretty self-reliant even with an empty refrigerator.

Steven is now off to pick up the necessities at the grocery store. Meanwhile, I promised to watch Judy Moody with the kids. Steven thinks he got the better end of the deal. He probably did.

Quick story:

Yesterday, when we landed in Arkansas, I went to the bathroom. I ended up in a stall next to a chick who was taking care of a long piece of business while talking on her cell phone.

Of COURSE I listened. Look, if you're having a conversation in the restroom, it is not private.

They were talking about so-and-so's son and his jury trial. How the outcome was a crock, much like so-and-so's son last summer. Oh, and then there was so-and-so's son, don't you remember him? Those police like to plant evidence.

*big eyes*

Okay, well, if all your friends have kids in jail... you might want to look in the mirror there, babe, and ask yourself what kind of people you hang with?! And I really doubt that they were all set up. There's some criminal mischief going on.

I kept myself from cracking up and all I could think was: WELCOME HOME!

30 days of blogging -- DAY 26

2011-11-26T09:24:00.007-06:00

When you read this, I will be in the middle of flying home.

My brain is fried at the moment (as I'm packing, while simultaneously trying to schedule this post). Therefore, I have nothing of import to say. Especially since we're waking up at 4am.

NOTE: I did NOT schedule the flight this early. Thank you, American Airlines, for canceling our flights and auto-scheduling us for the butt-crack of dawn. You obviously don't have kids. :(

So, in lieu of chatting, I'll share some pictures (it's my go-to, sorry).

I still haven't made it through all my Disney pictures, but I did edit a few.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 25

2011-11-25T11:41:00.001-06:00

My mom takes a picture of her turkey every year. I don't get it. I've never understood it, and I've long made fun of her for it.

She pulled this year's bird out and said, "Isn't it beautiful? Someone take a picture of it for me!"

A turkey beautiful? It did look delicious, but not exactly beautiful. But being the dutiful daughter that I am, I snapped a picture.

Ten minutes later my dad and brother-in-law stepped up to cut the turkey. My mom started freaking out. "Did someone take a picture of the turkey? I need a picture of the turkey!"

"I took one," I said.

She kept asking, "Did someone take a picture of the turkey? I need a picture."

I said louder, "I took one."

But she continued to ask, getting more frantic.

Now I was frustrated. "Mom, I took one!"

My sister-in-law picked up her camera, snapped a picture and showed it to my mom on her view-screen. "Here, I took one for you."

My mom let out a long breath. "Thank you, Melissa. What would I do without you?"

... :P

Family. It never changes.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 24

2011-11-24T13:24:00.000-06:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

T-minus 2 hours till turkey time! I'm excited to eat my mom's turkey! I'm thankful that we get to spend this Thanksgiving with them. Yay!!! It's been a long few years away from family.

I'd like to send a big THANK YOU to all the troops who can't be with their loved ones this Thanksgiving. Thank you for your service! You rock.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 23

2011-11-23T10:47:00.001-06:00

Logic fail.

Whenever there are fireworks, or a light show, I'm always shocked at the number of flashes I see. It's like a rainstorm of flash. I cannot understand it.

There was a lady next to us during the fireworks show last night. She had her point-and-shoot out flashing away. Only, she wasn't getting any images, just a grey screen. She'd cuss at it and complain, "This stupid camera!" Meanwhile, I felt like I was going to fall into an epileptic fit.

I leaned forward and whispered to Steven, "Someone needs to put that camera out of its misery before she causes me visual paralysis."

Steven laughed.

Using flash for fireworks or a light show is a logic fail. I'll explain why:

When you use a flash its purpose is to light an object in front of you. The distance of this object has to be relative to the distance your flash can reach.

What you want when you're photographing fireworks (and lights) is the light from the object. So, let's say, the light from your flash actually reached this object (firework/whatever). You would cancel out its effect. This is why when you see a pretty lamp glowing and you think, "that would make a wicked picture," you photograph it with your flash on and... no wicked light.

The next level of this logic fail is: your flash CANNOT reach a firework. What it does is light up the area in front of your camera, dust particles and blank dark space. Thus creating the grey screen this chick was getting.

How to set your camera for fireworks/light images:

If you're on a point-and-shoot, the very first thing you MUST DO is turn off your flash. Also, many point-and-shoots have a setting for night photography. USE THIS. The manufacturers make this so that you can get these shots! They want you to be happy with your camera.

If you are using a manual camera, understand that you are NOT trying for a correct exposure. Ignore your meter entirely. Having a "correct exposure" will give you a lit picture much like if you'd used a flash.

Set your ISO to the highest you can get (in my case 6400). Open your f-stop between 5 and 8. Make sure your shutter speed is higher (between 1/60 and 1/100), one, because you only have a minimal amount of time to capture your picture, but two, because you don't want your shutter speed too low so that you get blurry images.

Now your ISO/F/SP is all going to change depending on your lens, etc. This is an estimate where to start. Take a test picture and adjust accordingly.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 22

2011-11-22T10:19:00.000-06:00

We're going back to Disney today (I think, but then again, Steven isn't awake yet, so that may change). When we came home last summer, they had a military special (a three-day park hopper pass). We still have a day left and I, being a cheapo money person, want to use it. Even though, theoretically, we would save money by not going. That park has always been expensive, but now -- is it me? Am I the only one who thinks they price gouge?

My parents don't live far from Disney. Growing up I had passes. Needless to say, I've visited a lot. But I realized as I walked in yesterday, that I've never photographed it. I usually take pictures of the kids, and do the cheesy shots in front of things. Basically, the "making memories" thing that all the visitors do. I've never taken pictures from MY perspective, though.

I said as much to Steven, who laughed and gave me 'that look' -- the one that says I've lost my mind. Then he asked, "You're kidding me, right? All you do is take pictures."

I was being perfectly serious.

I haven't gone through my pictures from yesterday yet. I will say that I greatly amused myself. I got some good shots, I think. We'll see.

In the meantime, I wanted to share these sunset pictures with you. We were standing in line at Buzz Lightyear as the sun set. It was gorgeous!

Quick tip on sunrise/ sunset pictures: Meter to the sky for a correct exposure. Do NOT use the sun as you will fry your eye ball. Then lower the exposure so that you underexpose the photo (A LOT! like -1, -2, or sometimes off your meter depending on the sun). Then focus the camera where you'd like it with the sun in the picture this time (again, don't fry your eye!).

30 days of blogging -- DAY 21

2011-11-21T10:13:00.000-06:00

I had to make sure I posted this morning -- not too hard since I'm two hours off. Which means I wake up at 4am EVERY. SINGLE. MORNING. GAAAAA!!!

1. The last few days have been full. We traveled home for Thanksgiving. Yesterday was spent at the in-laws watching football and eating.

2. We brought Yuki (Steven wasn't too happy with that decision, but I wasn't about to leave her).

My mom has two new kittens. They're about 1/3 of Yuki's size (Yuki is 8 lbs), so they're tiny. Well. They torture Yuki. They stalk her and pounce on her. Yuki is terrified. I'd laugh, but it's just so sad!

3. We're off to Disney today! Woot! Don't my kids look thrilled?

Haha. They really are happy. They're just not morning people. Except if it's Saturday, then all bets are off.

4. We had family portraits taken yesterday. I hate pictures (I know, that doesn't make any sense, but it's a different experience when I'm not in control of the camera).

It went really well! I loved the photographer and I'm super excited to see the finished product.

It did emphasize to me that I -- in absolutely NO WAY -- want to ever take pictures professionally. Our family was a nightmare. Poor girl. It's a wonder she wasn't going loopy by the time she left.

5. OMG. This daily blogging is almost over. I might miss it. It's been fun.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 20

2011-11-20T09:46:00.013-06:00

One night last week when Steven came home, I was in the middle of cooking dinner, while simultaneously navigating both kids' homework.

-- Pause to say: I hate homework. It's seriously the WORST part of the day. At 2:30 I start to grumble that I'm going to start 'the homework nightmare' in an hour. UGH! It ruins the joy I feel having my kids home. --

Steven gave me a kiss and said, "You are the most awesome wife. I'm so lucky to have you."

I looked at him, confused. "Why do you say that?"

"Can't I tell you how awesome you are?"

"Sure, tell me as often as you want. I'm just suspicious, is all."

The next thing I know, he retired to the bedroom and fell asleep. When he woke up (of course right at dinner), I said, "Gee, how about you be the 'awesome' spouse tomorrow."

He cracked up, then gave me a big hug. "There can only be one 'awesome' person in our marriage. I'm willing to let it be you."

He's so generous.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 19

2011-11-19T11:25:00.004-06:00

These were taken last Saturday morning, pre-haircut. I know it's time to take Seth for a haircut when it sticks up all over the place and will not go down for anything.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 18

2011-11-18T07:15:00.000-06:00

Learning to use a flash in my photography.

I don't use a flash. Not. Ever. To be honest, it scares me. I can't get it to work like it's supposed to, it makes my pictures look crazy and blown out.

When I first decided to improve my photography, I wanted to focus on shooting in manual. Then, when I felt comfortable and felt like I'd progressed in my images, I'd figure out how to use a flash.

Living in this house has necessitated moving up that timeline. I'm frustrated with my natural light images indoors because, well, there's no natural light. Between the brick and the wood paneling, it eats up the light and screws with my white balance. Also, to get a correct exposure inside (while there's full daylight outside) I'm shooting at ISOs of 3200 and 6400. At night, when no light is coming through the windows, it's impossible to shoot at all.

Shooting at ISOs that high (no matter if it is a correct exposure) gives me a serious amount of noise. This is fixable with photoshop, yes. But the more you fix it, the softer your image becomes. For me, as someone who enjoys a crisp image, this is frustrating.

I also would like to use a flash to fill my images when my subjects are backlit. I could carry a reflector, but I'm not going to do that. I like to keep my equipment to a camera and a lens so that it can fit nicely in my purse (the biggest issue of importance to me).

There are lots of great blogs that talk about using a flash. One in particular is Strobist. It's informative, even if I can't understand a lot of it. :)

This is sad, but true. I've found with photography in particular, that I learn by doing. I read and don't get it. Go out and try to apply it. Read again. Apply again. Until I figure it out. Then when I go back to read after I've figured it out... everything makes sense and I scratch my head wondering why I didn't understand the directions in the first place.

After reading this article on second curtain flash, I got excited! I wanted to try it out!

My external flash is about five years old. It, uh, still has the original batteries in it. *grin* That should tell you how much I use it. Well, as luck would have it, I can't set second curtain flash with it. That set me back for a day or two, trying to decide what, if anything, I wanted to do to fix this problem. Did I want to buy a new flash? Or attempt to figure out another way to get the images I wanted.

I realized (after messing around with my camera settings) that I can set my on-camera flash to second curtain. The question became: did I want to use my on-camera flash?

BEFORE:

We shall refer to these as the "before" shots. As in, I set up the correct exposure and forced the flash. With these pictures I used the pre-set flash modes.

Obviously, the quality of the pictures leave a LOT to be desired. *cough!*

Bekah is blown out with the harsh light (total deer in the headlights!). I also don't like the shadows. Blah. It's not what I wanted. I wanted a softer, gentler look so that it would appear as a natural light photo.

I feel like I need to point out: (1) I knew the pictures were bad when I took them, (2) this is not an indication of my normal work, and (3) this is exactly why I don't use a flash.

AFTER:

I knew what I wanted my pictures to look like. I also knew that I wanted to wing it with my on-camera flash.

I read a bunch of articles on flash and then I reread this post (granted, it's not really about what I'm doing here, but this piece stood out to me):

Direct, on-camera flash gets a bad rap. Especially around here, I know. But it is not the direction of the light that is inherently bad, but rather that it kills all shadow and dimension. If you have cool backlight raking in from somewhere, on-camera flash can actually be a good thing.

That's because the on-camera light now has no pressure to create dimension -- it is purely informational. It is there to record detail.

What I took from it was, if I wasn't relying on my on-camera flash to provide the light, it could act as my fill. I mean, you can set a fill light with your off-camera flash (as I had originally intended to do), so why not with an on-camera?

Yes, this is a HUGE duh moment for me, because before this, I hadn't thought about messing with my on-camera flash. I just sort of left it and didn't use it. I know, don't laugh. It is what it is.

I went back to my flash settings and... would you look at that? I can adjust the light level of the flash.

I'll wait for you to stop laughing. It's fine, go ahead.

I also had to figure out how to hot-key it on the screen so I didn't have to go through the menu.

The first thing I did was set up a test area. I turned on a small desk lamp and set a cup beside it. I then shot a picture with no flash, then -1/3, -2/3, -1, -1 1/3, etc (negative because I wanted to reduce the light). I found that the "sweet spot" in my house is at -1. The cup was well lit, I still had the bounce of light from the desk lamp, but the shadows were softer.

Then I had to wrangle my model to sit for me again. I put her in the exact same place as the horrid flash pictures. Then I set my camera to a correct exposure (which, unfortunately was at ISO 3200. BLAH). And I forced the flash at -1.

50mm ISO3200 f/1.8 1/50

Thoughts:

The noise on the non-flash picture was so great (I obviously fixed it in photoshop) that it left the picture not crisp (which is frustrating). By contrast, there was very little noise distortion in the second one.
In the non-flash picture, the overhead light is bouncing off her head. Bekah always photographs shiny, and often certain areas of her face get blown out.
While the shadows appear deeper in the flash pic (because her head is slightly turned), I do think it's less harsh overall and that her tone is better.
In general, the pictures look similar. I think it's hard to tell that I used a flash in the second. Which is exactly what I wanted.

I take this experiment as a win. I'm happy with the results at -1. Obviously this number will change depending on where I am. I'm no longer hesitant to try flash. I'm sure I'll have some stinkers over the learning curve, but I'm more confident now that it's going to work out.

I'll have to keep practicing.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 17

2011-11-17T07:23:00.002-06:00

This is a warning. If you are eating, or grossed out by things, it's probably best not to read this entry (or at least, wait till you're done eating). I'm going to be talking about v-o-m-i-t.

Yesterday, I woke up sick. I hadn't been feeling well the night before and whatever it was caught up to me. I was hanging on, though, trying to get the kids ready and off to school.

About two minutes before we were to leave, Seth announced he was sick. I didn't believe it. He'd been running around screaming all morning. Chasing your sister while playing tag, does not a sick person make.

He was standing in the bathroom, head over the toilet, complaining that he was going to puke.

I told him to pull it together, get his jacket and backpack, and let's get moving.

Well. He walked into the kitchen and began to projectile vomit. It was like a bad movie. The puke went everywhere: walls, cabinets, floor, trashcans... I was screaming at him to go back to the bathroom. Apparently, this didn't register in his brain, because he turned to me as if to ask, "What did you say?" all while continuing to vomit. So now I had a spray of vomit in a half circle that stopped just short of splashing on my shoes.

My alarm went off at that exact moment, alerting me we had to leave for the bus stop. I told Seth to go to bed, scooped up Yuki and walked Bekah.

When I got back, it took me a half hour to clean the mess. It didn't help that I was already sick and I don't do vomit well. Needless to say, I began to puke.

With that all cleaned up (finally), and my own pukefest done for the moment, I got redressed in my PJs and went back to bed.

Two hours later, Seth woke me up. "Do you sleep all day? Boy, you have an easy life!"

I about killed him.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 16

2011-11-16T10:24:00.008-06:00

Rain!I love the weather. In the time we've lived here it's gone from boiling hot, to cold, and now it's warmed up a bit and raining! Very awesome.

Let's see... Not much work happening around the homestead. Instead of editing I've been reading photography articles. Google, gotta love it! It's like free classes at the click of your fingertips. Of course, it doesn't help finish things that you're supposed to be doing. :P

Ah, well. Can't win everything!

30 days of blogging -- DAY 15

2011-11-15T07:01:00.000-06:00

I had a hard time starting the mojo yesterday. Monday mornings are the most difficult for me to move from lazy weekend mode to writing. This was yesterday's 10-minute flash:

The clock in the background tapped a steady rhythm of clicks. They taunted me like a siren’s call: Here, love, come dash against the rocks. It will feel so good.

I wanted to. If anything, it would stop this feeling.

My fingers twitched. They were restless on my desk, my nails clicking repetitively against the wood. Creeping forward to pick up the phone. Only to stop, knowing better. My hand flexed open, then closed, moving away again.

Acid ate at my stomach. I swallowed, wanting to feel centered before I had to endure what was to come. Licking my lips for, like, the millionth time, I tried to force moisture back to them. They were as dry as my throat.

I could do this.

One breath, two. I picked the phone off the cradle. Anticipation – nerves, damn it! – made my hands shake. My thumb dialed the numbers I knew by heart. Numbers I hoped to never use again.

Here goes nothing.

I almost hung up when it rang. Two… then three.

The voice said, “Hello.”

I sagged into my chair. The phone was still held in a death grip, but my body betrayed me. Endorphins’ scattering. I couldn’t form words. My mouth hung open, gasping for my brain to help.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 14

2011-11-14T07:12:00.001-06:00

River Market and Clinton Library

I've been itching to get out of the house to take pictures. I feel like I'm letting our time in Arkansas fly by. I learned over the years that I have to be careful to make every minute count.

Several times I've said to Steven, "I have to get a photographer friend." He took me at my word and set me up on a "date" with one of his co-workers. She turned out to be super fab, and I'm looking forward to another photo walk soon.

We agreed to hit the River Market for our first outing. I was thrilled with this, as I felt like I hadn't touched the surface photographing that area. Next time we can focus on an urban setting or even drive out past where I live and hit up some of the smaller towns. I'm dying to photograph some old barns and hay bales!

Saturday was grey and overcast. And while it wasn't the nicest weather (and didn't give us gorgeous sky colors), there wasn't any direct sunlight. So the pictures I took turned out awesome. I'm pleased.

I've posted a few so far on my tumbler and will continue throughout this week. There were way too many gorgeous ones to choose from!

We walked along the river, all the way past the hotels downtown. Then came back up through the streets, past the market to the Clinton Library. The Library turned out to be FREE this last Saturday. SCORE! So we went inside and took pictures there too.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 13

2011-11-13T15:57:00.003-06:00

This morning the electricity shut off 11 times before it finally, and with great annoyance, went off altogether. The kids freaked out. Seth accused me of not paying the electric bill, and no matter what my assurances were -- that this had NOTHING to do with me, said that I needed to get down to the electric company STAT and get that bill paid.

Then he asked his father if there was an "old fashioned" way of charging his iPad. HAHAHAHA!!!

*ahem*

I had a lot of running around to do today. Steven was supposed to stay home to watch the game. But as he would sit in the dark, I talked him in to shlepping around town with me. Not that he paid me any attention. He watched the dolphins game on his iPhone (via the direct TV app). When Seth realized his dad was watching football, he asked me, "Do you have that app too?"

I'm posting this one (pre haircuts they received today) because they look so ragged. ha. I love getting ready in the dark! ;)

I love my iPhone 4s camera. Doesn't it take awesome pictures? Better than my tiny point and shoot (which, at this point, I haven't bothered with in months).

30 days of blogging -- DAY 12

2011-11-12T09:28:00.000-06:00

30 days of blogging -- DAY 11

2011-11-11T16:13:00.000-06:00

How did I amuse myself before my iPhone? Seriously. When I'm out and about (as we were today) I snap pictures on it. It's convenient, but more than that, stores won't let you take pictures inside -- they get all cranky about it. But they can't say much when you have your phone out. Though, I did get asked if I needed help several times today. *grin*

Steven just sighs and asks, "What are you taking pictures of now?" He has the patience of a saint, I tell ya.

We had to do some running around today. Yes, it's his day off and, yes, he did complain about not sleeping in. In my gracious effort to appease him, I said I'd go to the outdoor store he wanted to visit.

Imagine a store the size of Costco filled with ~~stupid crap~~ hunting gear.

Oh wait, let's talk about the cars in the parking lot first! Because they'll give you a clue as to what I had to deal with.

Hahaha!!! Imagine your date coming to pick you up in that! Pimp!

We went into the store... I've never seen so much camo in my life! And that's saying something, because let me tell you, I've been around some camo. There was rows and rows and rows of it. EVERYTHING was in camo: clothes, bags, tree stands... etc. And the customers? They were wearing camo too.

Steven shopped (for god knows what) and I decided that perhaps I should buy something as well. I mean, why not? Doesn't everyone need a scent of doe in heat? It can be my new winter flavor!

I was tempted by the duck whistles. They were cool, but expensive. $50! I decided that I didn't need a duck whistle.

But then I saw these! JINGLE BELLS SHOTGUN SHELLS! That's right! Strung lights made out of real shotgun shells! I mean, WHO DOESN'T NEED THAT?! I know I do! I think I'm going to get an extra set for Uncle Joe!

And, finally, since it's getting brisk outside, I considered a pair of heated socks. Because nothing says Merry Christmas like your toes on fire.

Can't wait for my next visit! Oh, the treasures I find.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 10

2011-11-10T10:57:00.000-06:00

Day TEN! 1/3 done! Woot!!!!!

Bekah came home from school yesterday and announced, "I'm in the FBI!" Then she shoved this in my face. I couldn't get a good look at (I was backing up to keep from getting poked in the eye).

Steven watched from across the room. "What is that?"

She walked over to him, presenting it like the picture above. "I'm in the FBI!"

"It says Route 66. That's a street sign, not a badge."

"It can be whatever I want it to be," she said, then proceeded to flounce out of the room.

So. There. ;)

30 days of blogging -- DAY 9

2011-11-09T06:56:00.000-06:00

Steven and I were sitting on our bed. Yuki beside it, jumping up, over and over. The bed shook as she hit the mattress.

"She's just like the kids," Steven said.

"What?"

"She can jump up here."

Yuki, being a smartass dog, decided to jump all the way at that exact moment, settling herself in Steven's lap.

"See?" he said, pointing to her. "She is capable, and yet, she'd rather be annoying."

30 days of blogging -- DAY 8

2011-11-08T07:26:00.001-06:00

5 Things:

1. Daylight savings... I'm not sure if I adore it or hate it. I love that I no longer have to walk my kids to the bus stop in the dark. And I do like that it's darker earlier (makes it easier to put the kids to bed). But. I find myself awake at 4:45 am. This is not good. No one told my internal clock that we were falling back an hour.

2. I forget that my husband reads my blog (and that it, in turn, affects our communication). This weekend I was crabbing about working. Blah, blah, I don't want to work.... whine!

He said, "It's just twenty minutes."

"Uh, what?"

"Twenty minutes. Set your timer."

3. I started writing my blog posts the day before (Steven said I was cheating) so I can manage to post every day. I'm also keeping a list of ideas I might want to talk about. Feel free to let me know if you have any suggestions. I'm all ears.

4. I had to sync my phone with my new computer. I lost EVERYTHING. It was a sad moment. I'm still not over it.

5. 18 years ago today, Steven stood on the yellow footprints. I would say: cool, two more years. But the reality is, I can bet it will be more like 12. -- Happy Anniversary, Babe!

30 days of blogging -- DAY 7

2011-11-07T06:47:00.001-06:00

Photographing in low-light settings.

Christmas is coming! I wanted to get some practice shooting in low-light environments before we put up the tree, etc. I've never been happy with my christmas tree pictures. This year I'm determined to figure out what I'm doing wrong.

A week ago, or so, I photographed our pumpkins. It was fun. I had them outside in the dark, my camera on a tripod, and let the shutter take its time. One thing that I did (thank you, Understanding Exposure) is I used the timer (or you can use a remote) when I took the pictures. Because you don't want to jostle your camera. This is kind of a "duh" concept, but one that I hadn't thought about before I read it.

I liked the way my pumpkin pictures turned out, but I couldn't help but think I was missing something fundamental. Especially since Steven said they look like every other pumpkin picture (they DON'T, everyone's a critic).

A few days ago I read this post on long exposure (you should follow Elizabeth Halford's blog if you are a growing photographer. She's amazing and has the BEST tips and tutorials).

She said something that really made me think:

higher apertures makes twinkly lights appear extra twinkly with the starburst

It was kind of one of those "ah, ha!" moments for me. I'd kept my aperture low with the pumpkins. I was curious to see the difference. Obviously, I don't have the pumpkins around anymore, so I set up a photo shoot with candles.

Picture one:

This is the only picture that I'm unsure of the ISO. It was the only picture taken out of manual. I wanted a picture with a fast shutter speed, so I could get a start off point with which to compare the other photos.

I put my camera into shutter priority (TV for Canon) and set the shutter speed to 1/200.

Tip for shutter speeds: I see a lot of photos on blogs where the kids are blurry and I KNOW the parents have a very nice camera. The parents say, "I just have to learn to live with blurry pictures, I guess. My kid is just too fast." Uh, no you don't. You must have your shutter speed above 1/125, the higher the better. If you were taking pictures of moving cars, say, you'd want your shutter at least 1/500. Practice with your kid, get that shutter speed higher, and stop being disappointed with blurry pictures. :)

50mm f/1.8 1/200

Picture two:

With the second picture, I set a low aperture (like I had with the pumpkins).

Tip for aperture: Aperture is the amount your lens is open. It runs on opposites (or at least, this is how I think of it in my mind). The lower the aperture, the more open your lens is. The higher, your lens is more closed.

Having a lower aperture allows light to come in more through the lens than the shutter. In low-light this results in a faster picture. It's kind of one of those "grab the image as quickly as you can" type of things.

It provided a soft look. One I love. It's really nice.

50mm f/1.8 ISO100 1/25

Picture three:

With picture three, I tried the higher aperture (as I hadn't done with the pumpkins). This picture takes a long time to expose because the light seeps slowly through the shutter. So, it's open a long time. Like so long that I started to get worried. Heh.

This results in a crisper image. I like it too, but it's certainly different than the low aperture! It makes me think about where/when I'll use the higher aperture when photographing my christmas tree.

50mm f/22 ISO100 1/8

Final shots:

Here are two more shots. One taking with a high aperture, the other a low.

50mm f/22 ISO100 1/8

50mm f/4 ISO100 1/0.8

30 days of blogging -- DAY 6

2011-11-06T11:04:00.000-06:00

Last night I made spaghetti for dinner. Steven and I were eating it on the couch, catching up with Fringe. There was a point when this chick started torturing someone. Her finger went into his eyeball and blood prayed across her face.

I groaned really loud, completely sick and unable to swallow what was in my mouth.

Steven looked over and said, "Mmm, mmm! Spaghetti is delicious."

:P

I had a hard time finishing my dinner.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 5

2011-11-05T12:04:00.001-05:00

Bekah's door sign:

1. I think this is meant for her brother, not for me. I could be wrong, though.

2. Her brother has never wanted to visit Bekah's room. In fact, it's the opposite. He tries to keep her out of his. Which is understandable because she's a messy whirlwind of a girl.

3. She has never, ever extended this same courtesy to me. Except when the door is locked, then it's more like banging while asking, "What are you guys doing in there? When will you be done? LET ME IN! I'm pressing my ear to the door and I can't hear anything! But I know you guys are in there!"

*cough*

30 days of blogging -- DAY 4

2011-11-04T07:39:00.000-05:00

Posted on my Facebook a couple of days ago...

Me to Bekah: If I trust you to read by yourself, will you do it?

Bekah: You know, I really don't think so.

Fast forward to last night when I asked Bekah (who was distracting me) if she could please read her book in her room.

Bekah: That's not a good idea.

Me: Why not?

Bekah: Because we both know I'll skip and then make up stuff when you ask.

Me: (long sigh) Why don't you just read it.

Bekah: Why, when we have the movie sitting in the other room?

Me: BEKAH!

Bekah: Okay, let's be honest about this, you're going to make me 'read' in the other room. I won't do it. Then you'll ask me about it, and I'll lie. And, really, I can't afford to lose any more privileges. So why won't you just let me read to you. It's easier and everybody wins.

Me: Fine.

... For the record, it's not that I don't enjoy her reading to me. It's just that she's gotten to a stage where she stops every paragraph to explain the action. No matter how much I try, I can't convince her that I understood it. She seems to think I'm "too old" to appreciate the humor and feels it's her job to "help" me understand. It makes for a long chapter.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 3

2011-11-03T07:48:00.001-05:00

Day three and I'm already struggling for blog posts. I could only imagine how much worse it would be if I vloged. Right now I'm rockin' some huge bags under my eyes. So attractive, letmetellyou. That nap didn't work out so well yesterday. Today I'll try to fit one in. Twist my arm, I'll make the sacrifice.

I'm officially avoiding Facebook for the next couple of days/weeks. I swear, social media is not good for me. On one hand, I love to connect with friends I don't ever see. On the other, people online generally act like asshats. I don't know what it is. They sit behind a computer where they will never be held accountable for their actions, and they write nonsense. I don't even think they hear themselves half the time.

I don't watch afternoon talk shows (or any TV much, but especially talk shows) because I think: who acts like that? I mean, really, what sort of person goes around with a huge a chip on their shoulder, making their life miserable? Then I'm reminded, quite spectacularly, that they exist.

The woe-is-me attitude is not for me. If you don't like your life, change it.

I'm a positive person and I've become more so with age. Part of that is, I've come to regard my time and energy as precious commodities. I don't want to squander them on ungrateful people who make their lives miserable and blame others for it. Most especially the ones with bad attitudes who rely on name calling to make themselves look better.

That was a little ranty. Sorry. See why I don't post every day? LOL

30 days of blogging -- DAY 2

2011-11-02T08:16:00.000-05:00

I'm very sleepy this morning. Steven had duty day yesterday which meant that he had to work all day/night. I can't sleep while he's gone! It's terrible. I wake up every 15 to 20 minutes in a panic.

Today's goal is to work a little and then maybe I'll take a mid-morning nap. ;)

One big change I've noticed with Google Reader, it now doesn't distinguish between underline and hyperlinks. Blah. That sucks. I'll have to make use of bold lettering, I guess.

Time Management:

So... I did it. Yesterday I used the technique outlined here. Edited a little to suit my needs, of course. I did mini sessions of writing, interspersed with other items on my To Do list.

My thoughts? IT ROCKED. I got so much done yesterday it was amazing.

I think the reason it works for me is that it relieves me of guilt. I find myself thinking I need to be doing something else: when I'm working, I should be doing laundry, when I'm doing bills, I should be unloading the dishwasher, etc. I like that there's a set time and place for everything. It's really nice.

I also started to take note of my writing habits. In the morning, it took me about 10 minutes to get warmed up each time and then the second 10 minutes rocked. Conversely, by the afternoon I was immediately writing the first 10 and forcing myself to work the second 10.

I wonder if this trend will continue.

I also started breaking up my huge To Do list in to the four tasks that must be done today. It's helpful. I'm less overwhelmed about the big picture.

30 days of blogging -- DAY 1

2011-11-01T07:58:00.002-05:00

Since I'm not NaNoing this year, I figured I can attempt to write a blog post every day this month. It sounds hard, especially as this is DAY ONE of thirty. Funny that years ago writing a blog would be the norm each morning. I think I was a lot more open then. Or less jaded. Or maybe more creative, don't know.

I'll also try to keep the pictures to a minimum. Or at least a dull roar. It's hard, though, because photography has become my creative outlet of late. It's different than writing. I don't feel judged with photographs. And it's more tangible, it's a concrete way to remember my life. Whereas sometimes with writing, I feel like I'm spinning my wheels on a constant merry-go-round with no hope of it stopping.

Someday I might write about what this last year has been like for me. Maybe. But not now.

With that said, here are my top thoughts this morning.

Tuesday five:

1. I have such anxiety about the first of the month. I don't know why I feel overwhelmed when it rolls around. Is it really that hard to pay bills and drive my rent check over to the rental company? No. Then why do I always wake up on the first with my chest hurting? Humph.

2. I bought a bunch of new Photoshop actions last night. I haven't loaded them yet. And, actually, I probably shouldn't until I'm done with my edit (ha!). I'm excited to give them a whirl. Of course, I have zero photos to edit so... I sense that I might be forcing my kids to pose for me tonight.

I need to fix some of the actions I currently have. I've been putting that off since I upgraded my Photoshop (a necessity as it was so old it wouldn't recognize my camera RAW files). This is less laziness and more intimidation over the HUGE task it is to reformat all my files.

3. I HATE change. Therefore, Google Reader switching its format on me is making my brain bleed. I swear to god, I can't find anything on it. I'm about to cry. Yes, I realize that everything is in the exact same place it was. But it looks different and it's throwing me off! *whine*

4. I read this blog post on time management while we were trick-or-treating last night. What? You don't read your Google Reader while you trick-or-treat? In my defense it was too dark to take pictures and Steven was playing games on his iPhone (more on that in #5). That left me plenty of time to read.

I have to say, I'm inspired by this idea. Of giving myself small chunks of time in which I HAVE TO CONCENTRATE on a given task. The post was aimed at writing, and I appreciate that. But I think I'm going to tweak it a little to help me with my other anxiety issues as well (see #1 and #2). So maybe I'll write 20 minutes, then break, then work on one of my long list of tasks for 20, then break. And then maybe I'll go back to writing for 20. Sort of a self-balancing act, if you will. Basically, accomplishing something rather than nothing. I think I'd feel better in the end. I'll try it out today and let you know tomorrow. At least that way I have something to write about. Ha!

5. My husband is addicted to playing games on his iPhone with his friends. I mean, he seriously is looking at that stupid thing ALL THE TIME. Which I wouldn't mind... if it was not at dinner, or in the car, or any number of times when he could me talking to me. :/

However, I find it hilarious that he plays against my mom. I told him not to do this. Literally. I said, "She's not like your friends. She'll kick your ass. She knows words you couldn't possibly dream up." Would he listen? No. She's now won fifty+ games to his two. He says it's not so bad because he uses her words against his friends. *snicker*

It does amuse me that he gets so aggravated, though. He constantly grumbles things like, "YOUR MOM," as if it's my fault the woman is smart. You don't see me playing against her, do you? Hell no.

... Until tomorrow, peeps! Lates.

Halloween 2011

2011-10-31T20:34:00.000-05:00

Fall Fun!

2011-10-30T13:08:00.000-05:00

On Friday, I wracked my brain trying to figure out what to do for this week's self-portrait session. I've been sick, so the very last thing I wanted to do was take pictures of myself. Not that I EVER want to take pictures of myself, but anyway...

I thought back to our recent trip to the fair. My parents had been there and I'd asked my mom to snap a family photo. It didn't turn out that great. It was upsetting because we never, ever get in photos together.*

It was then that I came up with an idea. We were to host a BBQ on Saturday where I had planned to buy pumpkins for carving. I thought: family + pumpkins + deck steps would probably equal a decent picture (all fingers crossed).

On Saturday, less than an hour before our company arrived, I dragged my family outside. Before Steven got there I snapped a few pictures of the kids. And then we did a family photo shoot. The kids were annoying (as usual), ruining every picture with silly faces and then laughing hysterically when I'd check the shot. Finally Steven told them, "Look, if you just smile for the picture the torture will be over." That straightened them up pretty quick. :P

I think, all in all, the pictures turned out fantastic! Now I have to figure out what to do for Christmas.

*We do have a portrait session planned for next month. It's been over three years since I've paid for someone to take our pictures. Woefully too long. I'm looking forward to it. YAY!

That Writing Thing

2011-10-28T11:15:00.001-05:00

I feel like I need to make some kind of post. Where I write. And actually say something.

*whistle*

I’m going through that seasonal depression I get this time of year. Only it snuck up on me this time. I hadn’t realized that I was in it until I got sick and then started lying in bed all day, not wanting to edit.

I wrote one of my besties and said, “Dude, why am I sucking so bad?”

Her answer, “Uh, because it’s the end of October and you do this every year.”

Yeah. That’s right. Duh.

Honestly, realizing that it was my seasonal thing made me feel much better! Which sounds really odd, but I guess if I can put a label on it and know it’s going to end, then it’s not so bad. Right? Right.

I really need to finish editing this dang book. I’m about halfway through. While I’ve lost momentum, I haven’t lost love. Which is really awesome, because this is the point I usually trunk my novels! Hahaha.

*cough*

I doubt I’ll finish before the end of the month. Not that I was serious about doing NaNo anyway (it always gives me anxiety). But I feel like I need some motivation! Is anyone else lacking serious motivation? How can we stop this? We need plans, peeps.

My goal for the end of November:

1. I’d like to finish my edit.
2. I’d like to have at least 20K new words.

What are your goals? And how are you motivating yourself?

Arkansas State Fair, Little Rock

2011-10-22T15:39:00.000-05:00

Friday the kids had no school, so we ventured to the fair with Nana and Papa. I was disappointed that it wasn't very big, nor did it have gadgets for sale, but we had a fun time anyway.

The kids were excited that Nana bought them wristbands for the rides.

The majority of our day was spent running from one ride to another. It was F-U-N! ;)

We visited the animals and fed them.

Bekah got a cowgirl hat that she loves, loves, loves.

And then there was the weird food: deep fried snickers, deep fried cheesecake, moink balls (beef balls wrapped in bacon), deep fried Oreos and pig lickers.

Bekah had to try the pig lickers (chocolate covered bacon). We were gaging, but she loved it. It was not good, super salty bacon and too sweet chocolate. *mouth pucker*

Before we left, Bekah visited the horses. She's decided she needs to learn to ride. Guess I'm going to have to google a stable. There has to be something around here.

A good time was had by all.

This is what 35 looks like:

2011-10-13T15:10:00.005-05:00

Today is my 35th birthday. I don't know what y'all do for your birthdays, but around here it calls for a self-portrait session. :)

All kidding aside, I have been taking self-portraits once a week in an effort to improve my photography skills. It works too. I think it's because the process is excruciatingly hard and you have to be deliberate about what you're doing. Every time I attempt it I learn something new.

Today's lesson was lighting. I placed the camera in a heavily lit area and then made sure that just my face was in the shade. Thus getting a faded out look (this is not Photoshop). I thought it was kind of interesting. I don't know if I'd use the technique all the time, but it was fun to try.

35mm ISO100 f/2.0 1/400

Another reason I've been taking self-portraits is because I feel guilty that I'm never in my pictures. I keep thinking that when I'm gone my kids won't have any pictures of me. I think that rings true for a lot of families, so I am making an effort to at least provide something for them.

50mm ISO100 f/4.0 1/60

I didn't notice till I took these how much my blonde roots have grown in. Looks like I need a touch-up. See? Another thing self-portraits are good for: pointing out things the mirror doesn't. Ha.

CabotFest

2011-10-09T14:26:00.001-05:00

Seth accused Steven and I of "ruining" his Saturday.

Steven asked, "What big plans did you have?"

"I was going to relax. You know, watch a little TV, play DS. Interesting things."

What awful thing did we do? We forced him to go to CabotFest. *snicker*

CabotFest is small fair type thing that they held in our one-street town. ;)

It wasn't that exciting, honestly. First of all: dry county. So, yeah. And second, people were charging outrageous prices for things. Like $10 for a hair ribbon that I could make for $0.50.

Plus, I wasn't interested in Hogs anything. It's not my thing. And that seemed to be the sum total of everything they sold.

But we had a good time, regardless. At least, Steven and I had a good time. I'm not too sure about the kids. :)

There was a car show too, which is always fun. Steven wants to enter next year. We'll see.

Part of the reason the kids were so ticked off was that there were rides. Rides we refused to pay for. If there had been wristbands, sure, I would have bought them wristbands and let them go to town. That was not the case. They were charging $5 a ride. :P I'm sorry, I'm not going to pay $10 so my kids can slide down a slide or sit for one minute on a tilt-o-whirl.

The food was as interesting as everything else. I wasn't up for trying frog legs, gotta tell you. They also had alligator, crawfish, and various other deep-fried items.

Afterwards we ran errands that included a trip to Verizon to pre-order our iPhone 4Ss! I could have done it online (I know), but I was unsure of what plan I wanted. I am SO GLAD I went in. Turns out, there are local deals. Who knew?

I do think it's funny that the dude tried hard to get us to purchase a 4. Uh, no. I've been without a phone since June and I'm not going to get the 4 now!

One of our stops was to Barnes and Noble. The kids each got to pick out a book and we had Starbucks. The highlight of their day (and mine!).

My Office

2011-10-05T11:32:00.003-05:00

Has it really been a week since my last ~~confession~~ blog post? Dude.

Not surprising, I guess. I've been editing, which means a general lack of connection to the outside world. I realized yesterday that I hadn't called my mom in nearly that long. I typically call my mom every day. So, yeah, I'm distracted.

And because I'm editing, I don't have a whole lot to say. My day consists of lots of edits during the day, and then reading at night (because I'm too burnt out to do anything else).

You can tell I haven't been plugging in 100%. My kids are taking advantage of my distraction. I find things like this:

My parents will be here in a week or so. I'm excited. Just in time for the fair! Woot! ;)

The plan is to try to finish this edit (there may be another after this) before they get here, so that I'll be free to participate in NaNo this year. I'm not committing to NaNo yet, though. Just kind of throwing it out there. I've never been successful at making the 50K goal (my inner editor is too loud). We shall see if I'm willing to brave it this time around.

I also need to finish putting away these boxes of office junk:

For the most part, my office is put together. I promised pictures, so here they are.

Before the walls were a yellowish-white. Blah.

I painted the room Industrial Grey. LOVE it. ;)

I moved a rocker into the room as well so that I can lure Yuki to hang with me.

I shall leave you with the editing snack of champions. Yum!

Five Things (with pictures)... Again

2011-09-28T07:57:00.000-05:00

These "five things" posts have been easy for me, which is why I'm writing a lot of them. I don't know if my brain thinks it's easier to catalogue, or what. Anyway. Sorry the variety has been lacking, but it is what it is!

1. I'm trying not to let it bother me that Seth won't let me take his picture. He either hides, covers his face or makes the goofiest gestures. I know someday he'll ask: Why does Bekah have hundreds of pictures and I have none?

Well, I tried!

2. Editing. I'm doing much better this week than last. I had a bit of a mini-breakdown on Monday. Which was good, because I woke up on Tuesday determined to muddle through it.

3. I just warmed my coffee and when I pulled it out of the microwave, it wasn't the mug I put in. :P Apparently, I left yesterday's in there.

4. On Sunday, I walked in the living room and found Bekah in a box.

Me: Why are you in a box?

Bekah: It's cool.

Me: Are you comfortable?

Bekah: Totally.

Okay, then. :)

5. Love note I found in my kitchen this morning (from Bekah):

Today's Free Write:

2011-09-26T09:13:00.000-05:00

I'm editing and hating it at the moment. Usually, I like editing. This last week, not so much. I'd rather be writing. As I have no idea what to work on next, I decided to free write. Get the creative juices flowing. This didn't turn out to be my next project (obviously), but it was fun to spend 10 minutes on. ;)

Matricide would get me twenty-to-life, I was sure. At the moment, it looked like the best option. Perhaps I could convince a jury that I had no choice. I willed myself not to freak. “And you said what?”

“That you’d be more than happy to see him.”

“Mom.” I closed my eyes and huffed out a long breath, because words failed me. “Mom.”

“You used to think he was cute.”

“Fifteen years ago!”

“He’s just as attractive now.”

“Oh, my god, MOM! He could be a serial killer.”

“Morgan, really.”

“Really nothing, Mom. Or he could have a flesh eating disease. Or gout!”

My mom looked at me as if I’d lost my mind. “If his skin was falling off don’t you think I would have noticed?”

“I don’t know,” I said sarcastically. “You ran into some guy I haven’t seen in fifteen years at the freaking supermarket and you secretly set me up. That says you’re desperate. You probably wouldn’t care if he was disease ridden.”

“And, yet, you still haven’t given me grandbabies.”

She was impossible.

“I’m not doing this.” I grabbed my keys and my purse. “I’m going home. Have a nice dinner with what’s-his-face.”

The doorbell rang.

“Too late.” She snapped the kitchen towel at me. “Get the door.”

Motherfu— “Fine. I swear, this is the last time you do this to me. Next time you invite me over, I’m not coming.”

I flung open the door intending to set the boy straight and send him on his way. Except that I nearly swallowed my tongue. My eyes started to itch because I forgot to blink.

He was gorgeous. Like, distractingly beautiful. Big blue eyes and wind-tossed blond hair that had grown a little too long.

“Kevin,” I said. Unfortunately, it came out like a squeak.

He smiled. “Just the girl I wanted to see.”

Oh, dear god, even his voice was sexy. I was in trouble.

5 Things (with pictures)

2011-09-23T09:52:00.003-05:00

1. Our long-term storage arrived! They called about an hour after my last post. The truck was due to arrive in Little Rock and we were propositioned:

Would you like your long-term storage directly delivered to you? It can be there within an hour. If you don't take it today, it will go into our storage and then you'll have to wait a minimum of two weeks to get it because of paperwork and truck scheduling.

Guess what we said?

I have to tell you, it was PERFECT timing. I was in desperate need to wash laundry. Steven had washed our clothes while he was on duty a few weeks ago. It was my turn again, and I did not want to go back to the Laundromat!

2. We've found some crazy stuff in our storage. Um, things I'd forgotten about. It might be fun to catalogue them for you. We'll see if I have time.

I will admit to this: There was a particular picture that I swore Steven left behind when we moved from Reno. I never let him forget it either... for seven years.

Guess what he found?

*cough*

For the rest of my life I'm going to have to hear how I falsely accused him. It's fitting punishment, I guess.

3. I've been putting together my office now that I have my furniture (so happy!). One thing that I wanted this time around was a framed cork board. They are pricey and I was not about to spend $250 on the one I wanted! That meant I (meaning Steven) had to DIY it.

First I went to Goodwill and purchased a really ugly mirror.

I liked the frame, it was the size I wanted, so I figured I could salvage it. And when we (meaning Steven) took off the back. Thankfully, the board was able to be reused.

mirror - $15
spray paint - $2
glue - $2
cork - $10
hanger set - $5

For thirty-four dollars it turned in to this:

I would like the cork to be one piece, but it works for now. Perhaps I'll venture into Little Rock and attempt to find a craft store that sells it. Maybe.

4. We found a visitor in our yard! I asked Steven if we could keep him (isn't he cute?). He said no. :(

5. Bekah found a ski mask in the storage boxes. I caught her wearing it and jumping off my furniture. When I asked (very irritated) what she thought she was doing, she laughed. "I'm skydiving!"

Phew!

2011-09-21T09:47:00.002-05:00

Yesterday we had a near miss. I’m still feeling the excess adrenaline, that sick, sour taste in the back of my throat.

When we moved here, we faced a huge decision about where we’d live. There were a lot of factors, the big one being the kids’ school. I have to be very careful about how I state this so that I don't sound like a spoiled Californian, but it’s shocking to me what people consider to be an acceptable school environment.

One, in particular, was constructed from three trailers on end. The underside was exposed (due to bad upkeep). The lawn was awful. What little grass there was, amid the mud and rock, hadn’t been cut in months. And the playground was in such a state of disrepair that I was convinced my kids would get tetanus if they played on it.

We’d found a pretty decent house in that area and, being the diligent parent, I wanted to check out the school before we pursued it. When I saw it, I flipped.

Steven said, “At least our kids are up-to-date on their shots.”

No. Just, no.

At that point our house search focused on the school and then, when I found one I liked, in the area designated for that school. This is a much harder way to search for houses – especially if you’re renting.

The other problem we ran in to is the lack of space. There are two types of houses here: new construction and really old houses that are falling apart. New construction was not going to work for us. Why do they design new houses to resemble shoeboxes?

We found a house that, in theory, is perfect. It had the right school, with the right amount of space. And it was affordable. Why? Well, because it was disgusting. ;)

The owner smoked inside and had a cat that, I swear to god, peed on every available surface. IT STUNK. It was also in a complete state of disrepair. When we moved in, we had to replace everything: she had no toilet paper holders, the faucets were broken, the shelving in the closets were gone, shelving in cabinets missing, etc.

Plus, she’d never cleaned the place. I spent an entire week vacuuming out cabinets and then wiping a black layer of grime off of every surface. Not to mention bleaching walls and cleaning ceiling fans and venting ducts. It was the grossest thing EVER.

The day we got the key, I stood in the middle of the kitchen and fought to keep from crying. Beyond the horrible smell, she'd left garbage in every room. It had to be collected and disposed of before we could begin to clean it. It was awful and I felt overwhelmed. I was convinced that it could never be a place we could make work.

Steven came over and gave me a hug. “It’s the right house for us. You’ll see. Once we clean it and we have our stuff, it will be perfect.”

I’m so glad I have a handy husband. There’s no way it would have come together if he hadn't been the person he is.

We got it cleaned, spent lots of money replacing crap, cleaned the carpets a million times, and Steven went room by room building shelving. We unpacked our first three shipments (I STILL haven’t gotten my long-term storage, but that’s another story). And we painted. At this point it’s a house that I love.

Yesterday we got a call from the rental company. I can’t go in to the owner’s whole deal (she’s really stupid), but basically, she decided that she was going to stop paying the loan. The rental company had known for a month and had been working hard on getting an investor to buy the house, in order to keep us in place. But since time was slipping by and they needed to inform us eventually, they let us know: hey, looks like you’re going to be foreclosed on pretty damn soon.

That is NOT the news I wanted to hear.

I’m going to spare you my big freak out. It was basically: Moving again! School! Packing! No boxes! Money for move! DMV!!! I have family visiting in a month! I JUST bought tickets home for Thanksgiving!!!! OMG OMG OMG!

*deep breath*

Two hours later we got another call from the rental company. I guess that they’d informed the owner that they’d told us what the deal was. This set off a series of events that ended with the house payment being caught up-to-date.

As of right now, we’re staying here. Supposedly the rental company (at least from what they’ve told me) is no longer going to give the owner our rent. They’re going to pay it directly to the bank instead. I feel better about that.

I still feel sick from those two stressful hours. Hopefully today will be much better.

Tuesday 5

2011-09-20T08:09:00.002-05:00

1. It's been hard to think in terms of a blog this week. Today I came home from walking the kids to the bus stop, got back into my pjs and back into my bed. *yawn*

2. I'm editing. Which means in Heather-speak: I'm cranky, overwhelmed, exhausted... and cautiously happy with where this book is going.

3. I've completely given up on that stupid desktop. It's dead. I need to accept it. Humph.

4. I tried something new with my edit this time. I wanted to read through my draft before I started tinkering. That didn't work out so well. I made it halfway. There are so many scenes that I need to completely rewrite, that I began to wonder if there was any purpose to rereading the last half. I'll end up changing it anyway. *snort* So I gave up, and now I'm officially tinkering.

5. During editing breaks I'm reading photography books. Partly because reading fiction is impossible when I'm in this state of mind. And it also doesn't hurt to get some photography tips! I started with a book that came highly recommended. At first, I didn't understand why people liked it. I think he does a terrible job describing the exposure triangle. Not to mention that his pictures are awful. Seriously, I kept thinking (1) this is supposed to be a famous photographer, huh?, and (2) why would I want to take pictures like him?!

Thankfully, I pushed through it. Because yesterday I had one of those epiphany moments. I can't wait to see how it plays in my photographs from here on out. Now, of course, I'll have to finish the book. I can't let any other gems get away.

Are you ready for some football?

2011-09-13T08:11:00.003-05:00

Two of my BFFs* are taking an online photo class. They'd asked me to join them, but I figured since my iMac is still shutting off ten times a day (grumble), that I'd better not.

They set up a private Flickr group to share photos. I wanted to see their progress (of course!). So I had to resurrect my long-dead Flickr account. The best part about logging in after five plus** years? Finding picture treasures like this:

Isn't Seth so cute?! It makes me want to have another. My womb is practically squeezing.

Steven worked very hard to corrupt both of our kids. I said to Seth at dinner last night, "You can choose another team, you know."

"No, thanks. I respect my Poppy and everything, but there's NO WAY I'd be a Green Bay fan. Dolphins all the way!" Then he did a fist-pump.

Steven nearly giggled himself right off the chair.

*eye roll*

This is how it looks in 2011:

*the other refuses to blog. *sniff*
** after more thought, this picture is probably more like seven years old. I think he's two in it.

It's a new week!

2011-09-06T20:05:00.005-05:00

Last weekend was a busy one. I’m looking forward to football (pre-season doesn’t count) because at least then I know I’ll have every Sunday to myself. LOL! It makes purchasing Sunday Ticket worth it.

1. We babysat our friends’ puppy. A cutie labmaraner (labrador/weinaraner mix). This puppy is HUGE. He’s about 3 months (maybe) and three times the size of Yuki.

Yuki did not like him. AT. ALL.

Being a puppy (while he’s a really awesome dog!) he does puppy things: chew on furniture, potty in the house… basically get into trouble. So I was wrangling him all weekend and ended up keeping him tethered to me. He didn’t like it at first, but in the end we were best friends.

2. Steven and I painted my office (he more than me, I’m too freaked out by the ladder). He was my hero and painted the whole upper wall and the trim. Then he painted the complete second coat. Yay!

I love, love, love the color. It’s grey. It’s awesome. When Steven was finished he said, "All it needs is a tail number." :/ It does not look like a battleherk!

I’ll post pictures when I get my office furniture from storage (if it ever gets here!!!).

3. I don’t think I mentioned that I finished a draft of my current book (the one I started here). I took off the whole summer (like, 4 months) and, when I did pick it back up, it was easy as pie to finish (thanks to Casey for cracking the whip!). And I LOVE it.

It kind of kills me that that the actual writing time since starting has been about... 4 weeks-ish, if I had worked on it at once. It seems like when I do work on it, I live, sleep, eat and breathe this thing - close to 18 hours a day. While I couldn't have worked on it this summer, it does give me food for thought that I need to be more efficient with my time now that I'm settled. Because there is no reason that writing is taking me so long. I'm spending too much time on the internet.

I’m not stressed about editing. I’m taking my time. Making it count. I’ve dumped the last three books in editing (yeah, tell me about it), so I don’t want to do that this time.

I really do feel that I’ve finally found what makes me happiest to write.

4. Remember how my computer started shutting off all the time? I finally took it in for repair. The guy couldn’t find anything wrong with it. It never shut off on him (of course!).

His diagnosis is that it’s either a short in my cord or the wall jack. Since we moved, it’s obviously not the wall. He gave me a new cord (for free!). We’ll see what happens. Let’s pray it works.

I have been checking out the new iMacs (OMG, I want one sooooo bad!!!), but can’t talk myself into parting with 2 grand when the dude said it was just a cord issue.

And that wraps up my weekend. Things are pretty boring around here. Editing… editing… editing.

The Garden Gnome

2011-09-01T07:56:00.004-05:00

Money in my marriage is negotiated thus: I run the house, pay the bills, budget the money, etc. Steven, on the other hand, receives an allowance that he can spend however he wants (with the rule that I can’t complain about what he buys with it). He likes this set-up. He doesn’t want the responsibility of having to pay the bills and he likes having a bit of cash to spend. Especially since I think most, if not all, of what he buys is dumb – so it keeps me quiet.

We open him a new checking every time we move so that he has a local bank. It’s not on my top list of priorities (never is) and so, yeah, that hasn’t been done yet.

Rewind to last Thursday when he came home excited about finding a garden gnome that was oh-my-god-so-cool-he-had-to-have-it.

A garden gnome? Yeah, whatever floats his boat. So I asked how much it was. He said fifteen dollars.

If he’s so ecstatic about a fifteen-dollar garden gnome, buy it.

Steven was shocked. “Really? You’ll let me buy a gnome?”

“It’s not like it’s fifty. Sure, have at it.” Those words would come back to haunt me.

Two days ago, I walked in to the bedroom while Steven was entering receipts into my checking log. There was this random one for forty-four dollars and change. I paused, asking, “What’s that for?”

He looked guilty, the rat. “It’s my garden gnome.”

“I thought you said it was fifteen dollars.”

“Well, more like thirty with tax.”

I looked at the receipt. “More like thirty-eight with tax, which comes surprisingly close to fifty.”

He blinked several times, but didn’t answer.

And then I knew. “You took it out of the package already didn’t you? You knew I’d tell you to return it so you already put it outside, didn’t you?”

He grinned and said, “Yep!”

I took a moment to calm down. Is a fifty-dollar gnome dumb? Hell yes. But. I hadn’t paid him allowance in a few weeks. And if he wanted to buy a gnome, well, I was going to have to suck it up. He makes the money and he deserves to spend some of it, even on things that I don’t like.

I took a deep breath, exhaled long and hard, and then left the room. It was over and done.

Until I went outside and actually saw the thing. This gnome is ridiculous. It’s not even a foot high and it’s stupid looking. “That’s it? That’s what you paid fifty dollars for?”

Steven laughed. “I knew you’d say that. Isn’t my gnome awesome?”

“’Awesome’ isn’t the word I’d use to describe it, no.”

Later that day, we were in Walmart passing the bank located inside, when Steven turned and said, “I think we need to open an account for me.”

“Yes, it’s time.” It’s number one on my to-do list for next week. At least then I’ll be oblivious to the gnomes.

Washa, Washa, Washa

2011-08-30T11:25:00.003-05:00

I had to go to a Laundromat* yesterday. We have a washer and dryer in long-term storage, but seeing as how the military is taking their sweet time about getting it to us (it takes 2 months to ship from San Diego to Little Rock, really?) I didn’t want to smell.

I put off going as long as possible. Which means I ended up with FIFTEEN loads. And I’m well aware that it’s ridiculous we even have that many clothes. But thank god we do, or I’d have to endure this experience every week!

I’ll start off by saying, I don’t have anything against Laundromats, per say. I didn’t have my own washer and dryer for years. Not until we had kids and told Steven that we were only going to live somewhere with washer and dryer hookups from that point on because it was too difficult to schlep the laundry (he was in full agreement).

I do have something against laundry. It’s evil and it never seems to be done. So if you marry the idea of a several loads being washed at once, inside a hot room, and having to sit there the whole time, you can understand why I consider Laundromats evil.

I’ve already said that my town is… slow. I can think of no other word for a place without a Starbucks. And while I like it here, it doesn’t leave very many choices of Laundromats.

There is one in my immediate area.

I made my first mistake before I left the house. Steven has a bucketful of quarters that he offered up.** This bucket was so heavy that I thought: I’ll just take what I need and leave the rest here.

In my mind, I was stuck on the prices of ten years ago. Back when I thought it was dumb to pay $1.50 a load. Turns out, it’s $3.50 a load to wash! I’m so in the wrong business! I need to invest in a Laundromat!

So I ended up exchanging a lot of cash into coins while I was there. The whole time I kept thinking: that bucket of quarters is just sitting there on the kitchen counter! Arg!

The Laundromat was a mess. Half the washers didn’t work. There were nasty looking things in others (don’t really know what it was, nor do I want to know). I’d get my clothes and soap into a few washers, only to have the machine eat my money and never start, or the door not close.

The fascinating thing is, there were loads of laundry that had been left inside the washers and dryers. For a long time. I know this because a lady who was there, said, "When I came last week, those were filled with the same clothes."

How can you forget that you left laundry at the Laundromat?

I got the clothes in the machines and started them… only to have a few of them stop mid-cycle. But see, there’s this nifty safety feature that won’t let you open the doors to rescue the clothes if the machine doesn’t finish.

Did I not mention that there wasn’t anyone working there? So it’s not as if I could ask for help. I sat there holding the wash button on two of them so that they would make it through the wash cycle.

And the dryers didn’t dry. :/ After an hour and a half and $4.50 a load to dry, I gave up.

And bugs. Did I mention the bugs? They were EVERYWHERE. In the washers. In the dryers. All over the floor.

I was tired, exhausted, sweaty and cranky by the time I came home. Actually, I’m still pretty exhausted just thinking about it. Ha.

The first thing Steven said when he helped me fold was, “These clothes are still wet! Do you know they’re still wet?”

I glared.

Then the kids came home from school. Seth walked in chipper. He hugged his dad and asked, “How was your day, dad?”

“What about me?” I asked.

Seth looked over. “He’s the one who works. Your life is easy.”

Steven’s eyes got huge and he said to Seth. “I’d leave the room quick, buddy.”

*I didn’t realize until this post that “Laundromat” is a genericized trademark (and thus capitalized, like Band-Aid). Did you? Huh. Learn something new every day.

** This reminds me that I’ve never discussed Steven’s coin obsession on this blog. Long story short: the man likes to look at change. At least, that’s what I figure. He doesn’t spend it. He separates it and puts it into a lot of small containers. And those containers multiply. What he’s going to do with the change? I have no idea. It just moves with us from home to home, increasing in size.

In Japan we had so much yen it was CRAZY! Coins there are worth six-fifty a pop. Plus, you can’t exchange coins back to dollars! When he left right before our move, I went on “operation spend Steven’s yen.” It didn’t make him happy, but I’m so glad I did. Because if you had any idea how much yen I’ve found unpacking, you’d cry.

River Market

2011-08-27T18:12:00.003-05:00

Life was a difficult around here last week. I have a million things I still need to take care of and I didn't manage to get a single one of them done. Bekah got sick (strep) and shared it with me. It was lovely.

This morning I was feeling better (not perfect, but better) and, honestly, I was going a little nuts being in this house. Steven suggested that we head down to the River Market and check it out. Yay!

It was cute. There were vendor booths and fresh produce. I was a little disappointed by the prices, though. It's cheaper to buy produce at the commisary. I did pick up some cherries and blueberries. They looked too yummy to pass up.

Bekah found a hat she loved. Too bad she can't wear it for a couple of months. I can't wait to photograph her running around in it.

I'm becoming extremely irritated that Seth refuses to let me take his picture. If he sees me he'll ruin it by hiding, making a horrible face, or showing a mouth full of food. Arg!

Bekah also got a feather put in her hair. She'd been begging for the last six months. She was so happy and has been staring in the mirror for the better part of the day.

It was a fun day! I'd like to go again. Maybe we'll hit the zoo next week, if I'm up to it.

Morning Conversation:

2011-08-24T09:37:00.000-05:00

Seth: What is there to eat?

Me: Your dad bought cereal yesterday.

Seth: Did he buy Captain Crunch with crunchberries?

Me: Did you ask him to?

Seth: No.

Me: Then probably not.

Seth: WHY NOT?

Me: How was he supposed to know what you wanted?

Seth: Dad's supposed to know everything.

Me: No, that would be your mom.

:)

My Dog Has Ditched Me

2011-08-19T10:09:00.000-05:00

There was a time in the recent past when my dog would lay adoringly on my lap while I worked. She’d follow me when I got up for coffee, give me kisses and then climb back on my lap and go to sleep. We were pals. Best buds.

And then, a couch put a wedge in our relationship.

The house we’re renting has a family room directly off my office. The extra room is nice. I don’t even have to pay to furnish it because between the furniture I have in storage and the completely new house I bought in Oki, I’ve got the room covered.

There was one thing I was missing, though. A couch. And not just any couch. It needed to be a pull-out since we we don't have a guest room. Apparently pull-out couches aren’t the rave in Arkansas. I had the hardest time finding one and then when I did, it was hella ugly. I asked the sales lady, how much? I managed to keep the explosion that happened in my brain to myself because it went like this: THIRTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS FOR THAT?! YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! I’M BEING PUNKED, RIGHT? RIGHT?!

So we continued our search. Finally, at one furniture store, the sales lady confirmed that, yes, they had two. Yay!

She asked, “What color were you looking for?”

“Anything but brown.” The room is all wood paneling (gross!) and I needed something to brighten the space.

“Oh. Well, both of the couches we have are brown.”

Why did she ask if they only had one color? Seriously. I asked the inevitable question, “How much?”

She named a price that was less than half the ugly couch. SOLD!

It’s not my favorite, but it’s not terrible either. It’s rather comfortable.

The problem is, it sits directly outside the glass doors of my office and has a visual in to the kitchen. Yuki has made it her permanent bed. From her perch she can keep tabs on me without moving.

This means she no longer snuggles with me all day. :(

I think the couch has to go.

Happy Birthday, Bekah

2011-08-18T19:53:00.000-05:00

My baby is seven.

SEVEN!

Did you know that when you're seven everything is SO! EXCITING! THAT! YOU! HAVE! TO! TALK! WITH! EXCLAMATION! POINTS!?

It's true! I was told so.

AND!

She's happyhappyhappyhappy HAPPY! All the time!

All the excitement makes me need a nap.

Seasons

2011-08-17T10:17:00.001-05:00

I woke up this morning to find these beauties littering the backyard. I ran back inside to grab my camera and 50mm. There's very little editing with these photos (slight sharpening and a tiny pop of contrast). When the camera does the work, it makes my heart all fluttery.

I'm so excited about living with seasons! I've never had that. The closest I've come to experiencing weather change was when we lived in Reno, NV where it would snow. But even there, while the weather would cool, nature didn't change. The leaves didn't turn and you certainly didn't feel as if everyday was different.

Here, today feels much cooler than yesterday. I can feel the winds of change and it's exciting!

I'm wondering what tomorrow with bring. More of these? Something else? The anticipation is killing me. I have a feeling me and Arkansas are going to get along just fine.

Reconnecting to my Creativity Through Photography

2011-08-16T09:08:00.002-05:00

**Pictures from yesterday morning. First day of school! YAY!!!!**

When I started this year I had determined it was going to be a year of self-discovery: to figure out the place I was with my writing, what was deeply personal to me and what I really wanted. A year without pressure or commitments. A sabbatical, of sorts.

I didn’t realize then how prophetic that would be.

Life works to give you what you need at the time you need it, I think. For me, moving across the world pretty much cut off any opportunity I had to write. Which was okay, because it left me with other creative avenues to explore.

It’s funny how connected creative things can be. For me, photography closely mirrors writing. The principles needed for a good picture are the same that are needed for a good book.

I am by no means a professional photographer. I have a lot to learn. The thing is, it’s fun for me because I have no emotional investment in it (not like writing). If I fail, well, so what? Who really cares? My mistakes are often pretty great, comparatively. I can be critical of them in an effort to improve, but it doesn’t matter if I suck.

Really, are my kids going to come back in twenty years and complain that I took sucky pictures? If they do, I’ll show them the pictures from my childhood. Not. Pretty.

RELAX, IT’S FUN

Photography is all about enjoying yourself. Staging can be fun, but it’s staging. It’s obvious. It’s neither good or bad – it just is. As long as you don’t overthink the picture, even staging can be interesting.

There’s the big temptation to tell myself: If I can manipulate this (whatever “this” is) it will look like [professional photographer]’s photographs. But the thing is, it never ends up looking like that person’s photos. Why? Because it’s mine and I need to own it.

It’s true of anything creative.

There’s a difference between setting up a shot and asking: what’s the story I want to tell? Verses: How can I manipulate this so that it looks a certain way?

Trust in yourself that sometimes the unstaged is funnier, or more interesting, or whatever. Life is interesting, if you’re looking.

THE RIGHT TOOLS ARE ESSENTIAL

I was determined to shoot 100% manual this summer. And I did it. Not a single shot was taken on my auto setting or with flash (except for when I used my point-and-shoot on the cruise). It kind of sucked to start out with. In the beginning the lighting was off or the pictures were blurry. It would take me forever to figure out what ISO I should be on verses how fast my shutter speed should be.

And now… I can pretty much flick to the right setting in seconds. I never thought I’d get to that point.

Shooting manual isn’t only about the camera body (I did upgrade mine so that I’d have a wider range of ISOs), it’s more about the prime lens. Why prime? Because you have more control over your f-stop. It’s what gives you the depth-of-field (the pretty blur in the back or foreground).

And, gah, did I buy several lenses. The 50mm was pretty for faces, but too close for every day use. The 22mm is lovely for wide shots, but not really as intimate as I like.

The 35mm, I’ve decided, is where I like to play. It feels the best for me.

EVERYONE HAS A POV

It’s interesting what “stories” people tell through their photographs.

When you look at photos, there’s a reason why you’re attracted to some and others you can click through without feeling any connection. It’s the point of view the photographer takes. It’s how he/she sees the world and brings it to you.

Clear distinction here that I need to make since it bugs me: Photographers take pictures, cameras (and lenses) are simply a tool. A person with a decent eye can take a picture with a ten dollar point-and-shoot, and while the quality may not be as good, the picture can tell a better story than someone who was using four thousand dollars worth of equipment and, yet, has no idea what they’re doing.

This is why it’s irritating to be asked, “What camera did you use?” while implying that if you had the same camera, you would get the same photographs. You would not.

Like anything, good photography takes time, effort and practice.

And sometimes, people are naturally gifted. It’s frustrating. You can practice and study and try as hard as you can, but you’ll never have that innate spark that a naturally talented person has.

EDITING CAN HELP, BUT YOU STILL NEED A SOLID PICTURE TO BEGIN WITH

You can always tell when someone gets their first editing program. All of the sudden their Facebook feed is flooded with edited photos. The thing is, the pictures are not improved by the edits. The color is different, sure, but most times not in a nice way. And the pictures – well, they’re flat looking.

But that’s okay, because everyone starts somewhere.

Over time, though, you realize that you will be happier in the end if you can get the shot right in camera. That editing can be beneficial, but it should be more of a topping than the actual dessert.

IT DOESN’T HURT TO KEEP TRYING

At the end of the summer I can look back and see that I’ve improved (though it doesn’t feel like it). My pictures are better (certainly more in focus and the right lighting). And I can also see that I’m developing my own POV. I like that.

While I’m still improving, every once in a while I see a picture and think, wow, I took that? And it makes every bit of reading manuals, practice and studying photographs worth it. Because for that tiny window of time, I was great.

Saturday Procrastination

2011-08-13T13:47:00.001-05:00

I owe emails to so many people I feel overwhelmed. Plus, I’m supposed to be working on a menu/grocery list so we can eat this week. A task that is muy daunting because half of our unaccompanied baggage shipment was lost. They still haven't been able to find it after two weeks.

When the half that they did have was delivered on Wednesday, it was like playing roulette to see what was there. I won. Every bit of my personal stuff came. The loser: none of our kitchenware made it.

*sigh*

We’ve been eating out/fast food/restaurants for two months. I was looking forward to cooking. I went to Walmart to purchase a skillet and saucepan, some silverware, and paper plates to get by. Which means that any meals I make have to be cooked with those two items. I ran into an issue last night when I realized I didn’t have a can opener. Lucky I’m married to Steven, who can figure out how to open anything.

I’d already bought a cheap coffeemaker for the hotel room and I can boil my water for tea in the saucepan, so it’s enough for now. But, man, I WANT my stuff.

When we were checking out at Walmart, the lady asked if we were moving. I told her about my sad situation with the lost kitchen items. She said, “I would love that. I only like fast food.”

“Not when it’s the only thing you’ve had for two months.”

“Oh, yes,” she nodded. “I don’t really eat. I just go to drive-thrus for snacks. A couple of burgers a day and I’m good.”

*cough*

I guess I’ll have to get used to American culture again. LOL

All of that to say: instead of doing either of these important things (writing emails or composing my grocery list), I am blogging. You missed me right? Because I missed you. I’m going a bit crazy around here.

School starts on Monday. OMG. Let me just repeat that since it’s like happy-crack: SCHOOL STARTS ON MONDAY!!!!!

WHEEEEEEEE!!!!

Can you tell I’m through with two months of one-room dwelling with my children? CAN YOU TELL I’VE REACHED THAT SPACE WHERE I’M LOSING MY MIND? CAN YOU?!

*deep breath* School. Monday. Happy Spice.

You know what else happens on Monday? We get our furniture. YAY! Which means I get to sleep in a real bed (instead of a pull-out couch). And sit on a real chair (instead of on a box). And work at my desk!!!! This is what I’m using right now:

I think it’s genius, personally.

Since we’ve had internet turned on Tuesday (4 days ago) it’s already gone out three times. WTH? I’m going on the record to say: if this is going to be an ongoing thing, I am NOT going to be happy. We will not have a repeat of Oki internet drama.

And finally, writing. I’ve done none of it. Hahaha. It’s all good, though. I’m feeling inspired. Or maybe lonely. This is the longest I’ve gone in forever without writing. It’s been good. I feel recharged and kind of zen about it.

Oh! I almost forgot! Guess what? We’re living in a dry county. A. DRY. COUNTY. Damn bible belt. Guess the upside is there’s no flipping coins to see who’s going to get to drink at dinner and who’s going to be DD. *snerk*

My town doesn’t have a Starbucks (or any coffee shop for that matter) either. It’s like a communist community. The closest Starbucks is 10 miles away and the closet Panera is over a half an hour. Let’s chalk this up to sacrifices I make for my kids' education.

We do have flea markets, though.

Oh, yes, be jealous. *wink*

It was fun. For real. Can’t wait to go again.

Summer of 2011

2011-08-03T17:06:00.001-05:00

Summer has flown by! I can't believe school starts in a week and a half. I am looking forward to it, let me tell you. The only thing that's keeping me going at this point is knowing that the craziness is soon coming to an end.

Summer fun concluded with a Caribbean cruise. Which was lovely and much needed. I wish I was back on the ship. :)

After the cruise, we flew back to CA and then drove across the country to AR. It took us four days. Four horrible days.

We did stop at the Grand Canyon, which was lovely. The kids didn't see what the big deal was. Why did we want to look at a bunch of rocks? Maybe someday they'll appreciate the pictures.

Finally we made it to Arkansas. Yay!

The time here has been spent securing housing, getting the kids signed up for school, etc. I'm exhausted. I'm blocking out the fact that I'll have three shipments of ~~crap~~ household goods to unload. If I ever manage to get into a house and get TMO to deliver the stuff.

But. I have internet, so that's a step in the right direction. Right? Right.

Checking in:

2011-07-05T12:15:00.000-05:00

Trying to find time to post. Promise. We've been cramming in so many things and running around, that I haven't been on my computer. Which is sad because I NEED to write... something, anything. I'm starting to twitch.

Plus, we haven't gotten cell phones yet. I want the iPhone 5... which means I have to be cell phone-less until September. Can I do it? The jury is still out.

Without the cell phones I can't post on the go. Sad.

Date to Danchuk

2011-06-25T12:30:00.001-05:00

Yesterday I got up at the butt-crack of dawn (7am) to drive my kids south to my in-laws' house. The kids were excited to spend the day (and night) with their grandparents. As excited as I was to have an ENTIRE DAY with just Steven. I imagined the infinite possibilities of what we could do while kidless:

Hold hands strolling through a park.
Eat a super snazzy lunch that didn't include a kids menu.
Maybe see a movie.
Look longingly into each other's eyes as we fed the other grapes. (Okay, maybe not that one. Ha.)

So what did we end up doing? Steven drove us to Danchuk where he proceeded to spend a thousand dollars on his money pit of a car.

*cough* *COUGH* *coughcoughcough!*

I know, ridiculous. But he's super sexy when he's all scruffy and working on the car. I think that's how he talks me into keeping the dumb thing around. We're going to paint this baby grey with metallic flakes. It's going to be hot!

We left Danchuk and proceeded to discuss where we would eat. My suggestions went like this, "You know, there's BJ's (and then some other stuff not worth talking about) and BJ's. You know, we could eat at BJ's."

Steven said, "I don't mind getting fast food. How about Del Taco?"

What I didn't say (but totally ranted in my mind) was: Are you kidding me?! It's a date day and I just spent a butt-load of cash on your dumb car and you want to take me to DEL TACO?! Why? So you can get home sooner to work on it? NO WAY, BUDDY.

Instead I gave a disgruntled, "No."

He looked surprised by the venom in my tone. His eyebrow raised. "Where do you want to eat?"

"Uh... BJ's."

"Well, why didn't you just say?"

I blinked. "I did, like seven times."

There was silence for a long moment, then in a chipper voice he said, "You know where I'd like to eat? BJ's sounds yummy!"

I smiled. "You know, baby, I'm so happy you can read my mind."

And that's how we ended up eating at BJ's on our date day.

My Two Little Toms

2011-06-12T01:46:00.000-05:00

Do you remember the first time you read The Adventures of Tom Sawyer? I remember thinking what an idiot that Ben guy was to paint Tom's fence for him. And he gave him his apple too, just for the privilege. Stupid.

I honestly couldn't understand what kid would fall for that. And who thinks up a that kind of crock?

Steven told the kids to go out front and pick up all the leaves. He gave them a bag and that's it. It honestly wasn't so much yard work as getting the kids out of the way so we could finish packing. A useless exercise in time wasting. The task should have taken them an hour, at least. With the laziness of our kids, probably longer.

What did those two little twerps do? First they went to the neighbor's house and asked to borrow their two rakes. Once acquired, they stood out on the front lawn extolling the virtues of "how much fun" it was going to be to use the rakes.

SO! FUN! AND ALL FOR THEM!

The kids in the neighborhood got a wee bit jealous. They wanted to have fun too. It's was no fair that Seth and Bekah got to play with the rakes and they didn't.

So my kids hemmed and hawed. Well, if it would make the kids happy to help, they guessed they could let the other kids rake. They would make the sacrifice.

Oh, and they told them to make sure to put the leaves nicely in the bag too.

It took them ten minutes to finish the task. My kids are geniuses or little devils, I can't tell.

... After all, it's not every day you get to white-wash a fence!

9 days

2011-06-09T02:36:00.000-05:00

Nine days left in paradise.

Sorry that I've been noticeably absent. There's been too much going on around here. The only thing I have managed to keep up with is my Tumblr. It's easier since I can post from my phone without the settings going wonky.

Anyway...

I'm planning to make a reappearance next week when I'm bored in the hotel. haha.

Okey-dokes.

2011-05-25T19:50:00.000-05:00

Life is buzzing by with startling speed. I'm freaking out. My eye has been twitching for four days. Nerves? I say, YES!

All of my Apple products are punishing me. I don't know why, when I move, every electronic item I own stops working, or breaks, or blows up! My desktop is toast, my laptop is starting to throw fits, and yesterday, the center button on my iPhone stopped working. *sob*

They'll all be fixed eventually, once I get to the US. But I have to actually MAKE it there first. I swear to god, my iPad better hold up!

I think I'm going through a funk. Yes, I know I'm moving and overly stressed and I should really give myself a break, but it's hard to. Other people can be relaxed when they move, why can't I? Why do I need to feel the need to control everything? Which I can not possibly do, especially with the government.

I've been surprisingly well-balanced (in spite of this little public freakout). Steven keeps looking at me strangely. To the point where I'm like, "WHAT?!"

He shakes his head. "Nothing, just waiting for you to crack. You've held on remarkably well."

THANKS. :)

I can't make any writing work for me at the moment (surprised?). I keep flitting between three books. I don't have the concentration I need to "get it done." That's more frustrating than anything else, I think.

I'm currently doing a Restaurant Crawl with my family. Ha. I'm going to miss eating at so many places and I'm determined to go there one. last. time. If it gets me out of cooking, even better!

This is not our first moving rodeo. It amuses me when people "play" with us on what we "have to do" according to the military. For instance, they won't pay for hotel stay off base until the on base one is full. Fine. We want to stay out in town because I have a dog and they won't let the dog stay with us on base.

Steven went in to the TLF (temp living facility) to ask for a letter of non-availability so we would be reimbursed.

The lady wouldn't give him one. Blah, blah, blah. Kenneling a dog is not a fit excuse. Blah, blah, blah. "Guess you'll just have to pay for that out of pocket."

Steven calmly said, "No, why don't you book us a room?" Knowing full well that at this point, there wouldn't be space for us. DUH! It's 20 days away.

She clicks away at the computer. "Oh, we don't have any rooms."

Steven raises an eyebrow.

She says, "I just go get you that non-availability form."

My Interesting Life

2011-05-17T21:22:00.000-05:00

Yesterday Steven ran around getting our cars JCIed (Japanese car insurance -- mandatory). They were both (*cough*) two months overdue (*COUGH!*). <--- The stupidity of that statement is not important. Forget I mentioned it.

ANYWAY.

When I got my car back, there was a ton of trash in it. I. HATE. TRASH. IN. MY. CAR. Who wants to drive in a trashcan? It's gross.

I took time as I drove to calm myself. I had to remember that Steven spent two days fixing our JCI problems and I did appreciate it -- trash or not.

Steven opened the door when I parked.

I began, "Honey, I love you--"

He cut me off. "But?"

"And I appreciate that you--"

"BUT?"

"But if you could not leave trash in my car, that would be awesome."

Both kids snickered. Steven looked over and winked at them, then it was full out laughter.

Knowing I was the butt of some joke, I asked, "What?"

More laughing. Only harder this time.

"What?" I demanded.

Bekah piped up. "Daddy said --"

"Shush, Bekah." Seth gave her the evil look.

I turned my own evil look to their father. "Daddy said what?"

"Daddy said you were going to be upset with the trash in the car. He said that you were going to say exactly what you said."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh, really."

"Yeah," Seth said. "You're kind of predictable."

"If I'm so predictable, why am I always repeating myself?"

Steven laughed. "Because if we did what you wanted, your life wouldn't be interesting. We're here for you."

30 days -- The Final Countdown

2011-05-16T20:36:00.002-05:00

I'm on the slow train to crazyville. 30 days left on island. I'm going to miss Okinawa SO MUCH, but honestly, with the way this move is going, I want it over! :(

Anyone want to buy a car (or two)? How about a deck? Zzzzz!

I'm bleeding money. Everything seems to be exploding. Cars have JCIs expired and road tax due, computers shutting off, airline tickets...

This was me at Starbucks:

Yeah, working on my iPad because beggars can't be choosers. It worked well enough, I guess.

*deep breath*

I'm going to enjoy my last few rainy/ cloudy days.

Embracing Failure

2011-05-14T07:32:00.000-05:00

Last night I was hanging with Steven. We were looking through movies and, inevitably, ended up in a discussion about Jonny Depp.

I always end up talking about Jonny Depp because his career is amazing to me. I admire his choices. He's never chosen roles because a movie would be a blockbuster, or because it was it was "the hot role" to go after. To him it's art. His characters are always quirky and they never fit into the same box as anything else he's done.

I like the idea that our art doesn't have to be commercial. It can be about creation and self-expression and still appeal to a wide audience.

This year has been about finding that place for me. I made a concentrated effort to let go of a lot of things. Most I haven't discussed on this blog, and probably won't. At least not any time soon. The journey has left me feeling adrift.

I haven't been struggling with my writing. Quite the opposite. I've been in a very creative place (if you don't count the anxiety surrounding my move).

I haven't finished anything, though. I have a book that is 3/4th edited. I set it aside because I started to get anxious. I've another that needs a second draft -- I can't open that one. I have the one that I'm working on -- that has been pouring out of me -- almost ready to go. And yet, I'm hesitating.

Doubt lurks. These pieces I've been writing are so much MORE of me than anything else I've ever written. Because I've intentioned them to be from the beginning. Telling myself: no one will ever see them. What is it you're meant to write? DO IT.

But I know if I finish them, someone will see them. The thought makes me a bit panicky.

I don’t believe in coincidences. I think that the messages we need to hear are there at the moments we need to hear them.

My friend, Kelly, posted this video featuring Milton Glaser on her Facebook page:

Milton Glaser – on the fear of failure. from Berghs' Exhibition '11 on Vimeo.

“Understanding development comes from failure. People get better when they fail. They move towards failure, they discover something as a result of failing. They fail again, they discover something else… So the model for personal development is antithetical to the model for professional success.”

“The real embarrassing issue about failure is your own acknowledgement that you’re not a genius. That you’re not as good as you thought you were. And doing a project that is truly complex and difficult tests your real ability.”

“You must embrace failure. You must admit what is. You must find out what you’re capable of doing and what you’re not capable of doing. That is the only way to deal with the issue of success and failure. Because, otherwise, you simply will never subject yourself to the possibility that you are not as good as you want to be, hope to be, or as others think you are. But that is, of course, delusional.”

First of all: Oh. My. God.

Second: I watched it four times and I'm going to watch it a few more.

I fear failure. I do. I've had some success, but also enough failure to make me a cynic. And, probably, I'm too hard on myself because of it. But it has made me a better writer.

After I watched this I came away asking myself what I learned from writing the book I'm currently working on. It turns out quite a bit. I felt instantly better about failing. If it helped shape me, that's a win no matter what.

I took a few deep breaths and kicked ass today.

Now if I can only permanently affix this message in my brain.

Here's to Lucky Number Seven

2011-05-12T00:34:00.000-05:00

I just had my blog-a-versery. I'm starting my SEVENTH year of blogging. Kind of unbelievable considering I signed up on a whim. I was bored, living in a new city with two teeny, tiny children. I needed a distraction from the million poopy diapers.

Wanna know something crazy? Only one of my original blog friends still blogs. ONE. :/ Bloggers have a short shelf life, apparently.

Blogging has changed for me during these last years. It's always been an outlet, somewhere I go to talk. I just don't need it in the same way I did then.

I've been increasingly frustrated by the boundaries of the internet. Words can be taken any number of ways and I try to always contain them and present my thoughts in a way that is not offensive. Though, I'm sure I fail.

Meh, that's life, I guess.

I still love blogging, but it's different now. To be honest, I just don't care. I don't care about the number of readers listed on my sidebar or the number of comments I got on a post. I don't understand the whole "follow me and win a PRIZE!" phenomenon. Do I love you all? Yes. Do I love that you comment? Yes. Would I still write without you? YES.

Because for me it's about relationships. I don't blog to entertain. I don't blog to educate. I don't blog to promote.

I blog because I love it.

It means that when I'm struggling, I sometimes I can't write. Or when I'm stressed, I don't feel guilty that there's significant time between posts. And when I do post, sometimes I'm a wee-bit sarcastic.

It frustrates me that blogs have become the next Big Promotion Tool. Posts on: This is the right way to blog! Or: How to increase your followers! Drive me up a wall.

It's not what it used to be about. Actually, it used to all be mommy blogs, which were kind of fun. Especially when you knew that someone else's kid was as crazy as yours. :)

Blogs don't have to be about anything. Mine isn't. I don't fit neatly into a box and I don't want to. Sometimes I write about family. Sometimes writing. Sometimes I post pictures. Whatever comes to my mind I write.

Is that getting lost in the "know your brand" age? I wonder.

The way I read blogs has changed as well. Do I read a lot of blogs? Hell, yes. Hundreds. These days I rely on Google Reader. I crawl into bed with my iPad. It's sort of like a crazy magazine with random articles. I love it.

Years ago I'd spend all day commenting. I'd also spend time answering in my own comments. Honestly, I don't have the time to do that anymore. Chances are that if you subscribe to me or comment on my blog at all, you're in my Google Reader.

I'm so thankful for what blogging has given me. I've met the most amazing friends through blogging. I hope I continue to do so.

Thank you for reading. I do appreciate you and I hope that if I don't know you yet, you'll give me the opportunity to get to know you.

Loves Notes On My Desk

2011-05-05T18:22:00.000-05:00

It's moments like this that make pen marks on my couch, or the whining, or any number of irritating things worth it. I remember why I choose to share my life with little munchkins. Nothing makes my morning better than a love note on my desk!

I'll translate for you:

You are sweet to me. You are kind to me! I love you very much. I hope you have a swell Mother's Day. I love you more than anything in the world!

... the "swell" comes from Annie, her current obsession. Bekah's performance of "Little Girls" is HILARIOUS. I must try to catch it on video.

Rambling

2011-05-04T19:09:00.003-05:00

1. Steven comes home tomorrow. I haven't told the kids yet. They'll be thrilled. Unfortunately, his flight doesn't get in till almost 11pm. UGH. That's going to make for a lovely Saturday morning. :)

2. The closer I get to this move, the more stressed out I become. My personality is such that I start cutting things out, always starting with the internet. I've gotten quite a few "are you alive" emails. Yeah, I'm here. Holding it together. :P

3. You'd think it wouldn't be stressful to move since the government pays a company to come and pack us up. You'd be wrong. SO WRONG.

4. Speaking of the people who pack us up...

TMO (traffic management office) called the other day asking for Steven. I said, "He isn't here, can I take a message?"

"I really need [your husband] to call me back." Have I mentioned that dependents are not considered people? I haven't? Well, we're not.

"He's in [America], so that's going to be hard. Why don't you just tell me what you want?"

Lots of shuffling papers. "Are you going to have a Power of Attorney to get your belongings packed?"

You'd be proud that I didn't say something like: Now need a power of attorney to pack MY stuff?! Instead I said, "No, he'll be home before pack out. It's still 40ish days away."

"No." More shuffling papers. "I'm actually calling to confirm a date of [two weeks early]."

Instant panic. "That's not right, we have dates of XXX."

"I'm sorry, ma'am. That's not what your husband put down."

"He went back in and changed it. I know he did."

Long pause. "Right, then. Okay, goodbye."

"WAIT!" I'm breathing heavy. Seriously, I might faint. "Do have our pack out on XXX date?"

"We must."

"No, no! I need you to check."

"I'm sure it's a misunderstanding."

I'm ready to get in a car and go down there. "Can you just check?"

"I'm sorry, you'll need a POA to do that. Have a nice day ma'am."

ARRRRRRRGHHHHH!!!!!

5. The kids are dying to get out of school. They're getting out of school early anyway due to our leave date. The schools here run until the end of July to give extra days to transfer students. I can take them out as early as May 18th and have them get credit for the entire school year.

They know they're getting out early. They know the May 18th date...

Now every morning I hear, "X more days until May 18, Mom!"

To which I respond, "You're not getting out on the 18th."

"When, Mom????? WHEN are we done with school?! Please take us out now!"

Manipulation

2011-04-25T21:07:00.000-05:00

I haven't made a secret of the struggle I've had with my kids and reading. Nor the fact that it's devastating to me as both a writer and voracious reader that they hate books. I want them to love reading. But you can't make someone love something. No, you have to be sneaky and trick them in to thinking that it's their own idea. ;)

That pretty much sums up my philosophy of motherhood -- manipulating children for the greater good.

Buying books they wanted wasn't working. Parents are told to provide kids with enough books choices and eventually they'll want to read. That's crap. After buying hundreds of dollars worth of books, that they picked out and I can't force them to read -- I knew I had to try something different.

One night Seth said to me, "I don't know why you make me read. You don't read."

"EXCUSE ME?! I read a book a day." Literally.

"You're on your iPad. That's not a real book. If I could read fake books, I'd read too."

Hum.

That got me thinking. Was it really that easy? Would my kids respond to reading on a digital reader better than printed books just because they thought it was cool? It was worth the money to find out.

I went on the hunt for ebooks. This leads me to two very serious irritations:

1. More often than not, there aren't ebook versions for kids. That's unfortunate, especially since this IS the way they will be reading when they're my age. Worse, in a series, if there are ebooks, it only is the last few. The first ones you have to get in regular books. FRUSTRATING.

2. When books are on a digital format, the publishers seem to think it's okay to jack up the price. This is evident in adult books, but it's WAY worse in kids books. A book that I'd pay $3 printed, is often $9.99 in an ebook version. WHAT THE HELL?

I almost didn't proceed with my experiment based on price alone. But. I have to figure out a way for my kids to read. If that means I have to eat some cash, well, I guess I have to.

Another problem I have is finding the right book for Seth. This is tricky. He won't read a girl book (of course) and boy books tend to be adventure stories. He's scared of everything. He HATES adventure stories because of all the creatures. Matter of fact, his biggest fear at the moment? Werewolves. Because, yes, that's sane. :P

It has to be a regular kid. A boy. With some kind of problem that Seth can relate to, without it being an adventure. It also has to be an ebook and if a series, have them all available for purchase.

Do you have any idea how hard of a list that is? Damn near impossible.

Bekah's easy. She's all about Ramona right now. At least girls have book choices.

For Seth, I came up with two books I wanted to get him. Had I simply bought them, he never would have tried to read them. So, instead, I put them in a "wish list" with about ten other books I knew he'd never want. Books filled with scary monsters. -- see where this is going?

He picked the ones I wanted him to pick. Ha!

Part of my success with this project is that we got the book is perfect for him. He's currently reading Alvin Ho: Allergic to School, Girls and Other Scary Things.

(BTW there's a 2-star reveiw on Amazon about how the book treats neurosis like "whimsical plot devices." The reasons she hates it is EXACTLY why this book is so good. Obviously the commenter doesn't have a kid like Seth.)

My next objective was to stack the deck in my favor. I had to give them a reading time without telling them to read, but had to make it so that they had no other option.

They go to bed at seven, which is early. I told them, "If you'd like" -- that whole "if you like" thing is the key with my kids -- "you can read until eight. But you must stay in bed. If you don't want to read, fine. It's still bedtime."

Get out of going to sleep for another hour? The kids were IN!

I did mess up with one thing, though. I have lots of ereaders (2 sonys, a nook, another random...). First, I forgot to charge them (because generally I use them for long trips). Second, I naively thought that they'd want to use them.

Turns out that, no, if they were going to read electronically they wanted the iPad. Period. Their reasons: (1) it's backlit, (2) the pages swipe and (3) it's cooler.

Except, Steven's iPad is with him so we only have mine. And with two kids, that didn't turn out so well. Seth, losing the coin toss, took my iPhone.

There I was last night with no other readers charged and nothing to read on -- Just twiddling my thumbs. I'm going to be more prepared from now on!

IT WORKED. They loved reading their "fake books." Seth loved it so much that he begged to stay up last night and then asked to read this morning before school because he had to find out what happened in the rest of the chapter.

!!!!

I'm going to continue with this experiment. I'll let you know how it goes. If it keeps going well, I think I may have to invest in two more iPads. Because I need mine back. I'M ADDICTED. I literally sit and shake like a crack addict if it's not next to me.

Also, if you know any books suggestions that meet the criteria above, please leave them in the comments. Thanks!!!

Not the Brightest Star in the Sky... But She's Mine

2011-04-20T18:05:00.000-05:00

[Last night Bekah saw the pictures I posted of the cherry blossoms.]

BEKAH: You have memories?

ME: You have memories too, they're in your head.

BEKAH: I mean pictures. You have picture memories? I didn't know you took pictures of the flowers.

ME (*CONFUSED!*): You did see me with the camera, right?

BEKAH: Yes.

ME: And you saw me point it at things and click the button, correct? Like when I told you to stand there and smile?

BEKAH: Yeah.

ME: So wouldn't it make sense that if I pointed the camera to ... let's say... a tree and I clicked the button, that I'd have pictures of cherry blossoms?

[She nodded her head, her eyes narrowing in contemplation.]

BEKAH: That makes a lot of sense.

Cherry Blossoms

2011-04-19T19:43:00.000-05:00

Cherry blossoms bloom in Okinawa in late January/ early February (depending on how cold the weather is). I missed them this year because I had to go home for my dad. I was so bummed because it's my last year to see them.

Imagine my delight when I realized the cherry blossoms in Korea were in bloom! *swoon!!!*

Korea cherry blossoms are Japanese blooms (white and light pink) unlike Okinawa blossoms which are Chinese blooms (purple/ dark pink). So it was extra fun to see new colors!

Lost In Translation

2011-04-17T22:57:00.001-05:00

We visited the Korean Folk Village. It was a distance from Seoul so no one spoke English.

We were hungry. We ate at a restaurant, not really knowing what we were getting. But, eh, I could figure out how to order beer so it was all good.

When we left, the lady only knew this one phrase: "You get out."

It made me laugh.

5 more things...

2011-04-16T19:16:00.000-05:00

1. I'm home! Yay!!! I tried to get caught up on my sleep last night but my neighbor was having a raging party until about 4am when the MPs showed up. Humph.

Dear Neighbor,

You suck. I just want to sleep. Though, It wasn't me who called the MPs. Kind of wish I had. A lot earlier.

Not cool.

Love, Me.

2. Pictures? Well... That would require me to walk to the next room, open my laptop and find my camera... I have to stop at the "walking" part. I feel like my hips took some major damage. I cry at the thought of walking to the bathroom. Or getting coffee. Both of which are higher on my priority list.

But soon. SOOOOOON. Promise. Maybe tomorrow. Plus, it would help if I could see the computer instead of squinting and turning my head to the side like I'm doing now. Maybe I should take a mid-morning nap. You know, now that the neighbors aren't on a bender.

3. Korea was nothing like I expected it to be. I enjoyed myself -- that was never going to be a question, ha. And I do feel like I have a stronger grasp of the culture. But as for Korea itself, yeah, it was a surprise. Out of all the places to visit in Asia, it's as close to American culture as you can get (at least out of those countries I've visited so far).

If you speak English it's super easy to travel there. Most of the younger Koreans speak English and the signs have English translations.

When we arrived, I had the distinct feeling of 'coming home.' I know it's an odd thing to say, but you have to understand, it's been years since I've had American food, or was in a mall. An honest to goodness mall. Which by the way, is it strange that whenever we stepped into a mall it was like heaven opened up and the angels sang?

We did manage to eat at a traditional Korean BBQ. Oh. My. GOD. Eating Korean BBQ in Okinawa or even Los Angeles is NOTHING like eating it in Korea. Holy CRAP. I will be dreaming of that dinner for years to come.

But mostly we ate food we've been craving for years. Like Outback. I nearly wept when my food came. After two years it tasted like heaven. -- I'm sure I won't be saying that in another six months.

4. Even though I felt so happy going into a mall... I didn't buy anything. Well, I did buy Bekah a couple of headbands and I bought some nail polish. Other than that, nada. I was kind of left scratching my head at the people who told me to take an extra bag to bring back all the stuff I was going to buy.

5. My kids said the best part of the whole trip was the indoor pool and room service. I'm so glad I took them with me. I can see how much they appreciated it. *snort*