It's Wednesday. Happy hump day, y'all.
(Don't mind me, I'm getting my Southern' on.)
I need to get back in the habit of writing more. I enjoy blogging. Or, I did enjoy blogging when I actually blogged. I don't know what has been wrong with me lately. Blogging keeps getting put off for when I have something 'interesting' to say.
Newsflash: I'm never going to have anything interesting to say.
I do realize this. Which makes the whole blogging thing laughable.
Tomorrow is school pictures. Here's a random question for you (completely rhetorical), WHY do I feel the need to purchase them? At $60x2 as well? That's a lot of cash for pictures I stick in my drawer. I never hang them (seriously, school pictures are ugly). And I take better/more interesting shots than the school nastiness.
And yet, I still continue to write the check every year.
Why, why, why???
I feel compelled for some reason. Like if I don't buy them, my kids won't have school memories to look back on. Because everyone needs ugly school pictures or there'll be a big, gaping hole in their lives. They may even need therapy because of it.
But yes, I'm considering not purchasing them this year. My stomach is rolling at the thought. Can I do it?
Oh, dear me, this book.
.... So I just wrote that last sentence and then stared at the blinking cursor for five minutes. Because. Well. What can I say?
I'm equal parts depressed and elated. For what parts? That changes daily.
I love this book.
I'd hoped to be done editing by now. I'm not.
I can't help myself from pushing further. This book is an obsession. I've never had an obsession over a book. Usually I can maintain a level of distance.
Good thing? Perhaps. The problem really is, I've got too much invested in this one. This is the book of my heart. If it doesn't sell, my heart will break. I'm not sure that this time it will be recoverable.
Add to that the fact that when it's finished I'll need to go agent shopping. AGAIN. (Third time's a charm, anyone?)
I just might vomit.
Almost two years ago I stopped pushing forward and decided to just write for me. To go on a sabbatical of sorts and find myself. I didn't realize it would take this long to find what I searched for. To find that sweet spot between making myself happy, writing something I'm proud of, and turning that into something that might sell.
Now I'm afraid. Fear grows larger in the pit of my stomach every day.
What if this book isn't good enough? Because, and I'll be real honest, I can't do better. This is it. This is everything I have poured into a book.
I'm not going to live in fear. I will press on. And, of course, query. I'll try again.
But not giving into the fear doesn't stop me from feeling it.
I finally figured this dang lens out (thanks to some really big help!). Turns out, one incorrect camera setting can make all the difference. Like, BIG DIFFERENCE. The difference between an unusable lens, and "Oh, now THOSE are amazing."
Sometimes the right tools aren't enough. You need to use them correctly. LOL.