Monday, September 20, 2010

Where WoW becomes an analogy:

I have nothing much to talk about other than WoW (heh, *ahem*). And since I've made a vow not to get on and play until I've at least written something, I shall tell you about what WoW and Seth are helping me learn about myself.

I know! Life lessons from WoW! Who would have thought?

My husband and I were talking about the way Seth learns. Steven said, "I just wish he had more confidence. He can do it, but he's afraid to fail. And to him failing is worse than not learning something."

I had to stop him. "Yeah, but I'm exactly the same way. If I don't know how to do something I don't try because I don't want to look stupid."

"I know," he said, giving me that look that meant he'd like me to try to change as well.

I really thought about how I've essentially taught Seth, through actions, this behavior. Which is not the greatest, I'll admit. And I've decided that I'm going to start trying new stuff. I don't plan on jumping out of an airplane any time soon, so instead I decided to tackle the one thing that scares the pee out of me: playing a dungeon in WoW.

Now, of course, I've been run through the lower-level ones. But I wasn't really playing them. I was being run through for the EXP. That's not a big deal.

What scares me is actively playing and being judged on how well I do my job. I've never felt confident that I knew how to play well enough to hold my end. And really, if everyone wiped because of me, I'd feel like a complete idiot. Trust me, they do tell you how dumb you are. These 12-yr-olds can kick my butt six ways to Sunday on this game. I always hit that panic mode and forget what I'm supposed to be doing!

Everyone who plays is probably shaking their heads right about now at the fact that playing an instance scares me. Because it's pretty much the point of the game.

I decided (after much agonizing debate) that I was going to try a dungeon. Granted, it was on my hunter, and if there is anything easy to play it's that and Steven went in with me the whole time. Thank god, because I was seriously confused and his "dismiss your pet," "focus on XXX boss" and "GOD, HEATHER, DO NOT RELEASE!" really helped me.

But still, I was sick to my stomach the entire time, shaking and I nearly threw up afterwards. The three more dungeons since the first haven't made me feel any better or more knowledgable. I wouldn't even consider going in by myself at this point. And HELL NO, I'd never do it with my shaman yet, with or without him.

I am making progress, though.

What does this have to do with writing? EVERYTHING.

I live in fear in a lot of ways when it comes to my writing. Am I good enough? Is this novel worth writing? Editing? Am I writing in the right genre? Can I write in another genre?

Etc. Etc. ETC.

My default answer is to walk away from the new, unproven thing and go back to what I've been comfortable with. Like knocking my head against a wall, repeatedly.

I am trying something new. But, geez, it's hard. Not the writing part -- the internal part. I wish I could turn that part of my brain off.

10 comments:

  1. Good luck! It helps to know people believe in you and anything you chose to do. Which, I know they do. Your husband sounds like it anyway.

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  2. I used to be afraid of instances too! I mean, people are NOT nice in that game! But you're right—you have to do to learn, and sometimes (okay, ALWAYS) that includes looking a little nubbish.

    You can play with me though, I would never make fun!

    Oh, and write stuff:P

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  3. What server are you on, Natalie? I'm on Destromath. The peeps from Chogal are CRAZY MEAN! They don't teach anyone.

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  4. Oh horde I'm on Bloodscalp and Alliance I'm on Deathwing. You know my real email address, you can "real friend" me if you want, hehe.

    And if you think instances are scary, try PVP! I used to do 3-man arena and that was basically terrifying.

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  5. When Steven gets home this weekend I'll have him help me friend you. hahaha Yes, I'm that pathetic. :) He fixes all my bars too.

    I can't do PVP yet. I forget what I'm supposed to do when someone attacks me! I can't imagine putting myself in the arena at this point. I'm working my way up to it. LOL

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  6. dont worry babe you will get there and have no fears just queing for an instance. you play better than most people i have seen in this game!!! now lets get a move on and get to 80!!!!

    love you!!!

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  7. This is so weird... Kevin and I have been talking a lot lately about how failure is basically a huge part of learning and actually moving forward with something.

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  8. Congrats! Trying something new is hard, and the older I get the more I dislike the feeling. Which is why I still can't drive a stick! I get too frustrated.

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