Dear Santa Claus,
How are you doing, big guy? Mrs. Claus well? The reindeer okay? Biltzen recovering from that cold? Did Cupid get through that nasty divorce? Yeah, well, you shouldn’t have mediated that. You know better. I tried to tell you…
Anyway, I’m writing about business this time. My business. Yes, it’s that time of year again when I drop you a note to let you know what I’d like for Christmas.
Erm, I realize it’s the 24th. Sorry about that. Time sort of slipped from me this year. Mother Nature decided to gift us with lots and lots of colds and flu's in the last few weeks. I have no idea what I did to piss her off. If you see her, you tell that b****
You tell her, that I am so sorry for whatever I did. I promise not to squish any huge brown Okinawa spiders when I see them in my house. Heck, I even give the geckos free room and board! I will be a better partner with nature, I swear. Just tell her to lay off the sickness.
Oh, right. This was about my Christmas list. I forgot.
Santa, I ask for the same gift every year. You know the one I’m talking about.
DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME! You might think you answered me last year, but that didn’t work out. It’s not my fault. Sometimes two people aren’t compatible – and we weren’t.
Can I have another chance? Please? Yes, I want a Christmas miracle.